To my many readers, it has been a busy summer and I hope you all found
the coupon links useful and entertaining.
My next subject, for this blogsite, is how to cope with ambitions of your
youth next to your opportunities in the moment. Yes, it is said, "when one
door closes another one opens". And, I say to this, "So TRUE".
Of course my perspective 25 years ago, newly 21 with a mental illness
diagnosis, was very narrow. I had worked at a job where my boss wouldn't
let me leave when I was scheduled, threatening to fire me. I didn't know my
rights, only felt an overwhelming chore of responsibility. Consequently, I
ended up working two 77 hour work weeks in a row. Boy was I tired and
exhausted.
I was so tired, but couldn't sleep deeply. I was missing my REM's, so
the quality of my rest was fitful at best.
I saw an explaination, just recently. Finally, I know how to describe
what happened to me before my first hospitalization.
With my fatigue and highly public job (jr./sr. cashier at a restaurant)
the stress I was under was extreme.
One day, after those two weeks, I go into work and the boss gives
me the day off. There was very unusual weather at the time, with
scattered thunderclouds and blue skies. I thought great! I was going
to enjoy this R&R.
I went back home and changed clothes and went to a little quaint
bar where they were showing the college basketball sweet sixteen.
Next thing I know, the newscaster acted like he could see me. So,
freaking out a little bit, I left and decided to go for a walk. Then,
I got lost. Somewhere along the way, I lost my jewelry too.
I kept expecting certain things to happen. Only some of it did.
But that was enough. Enough for me and enough to lock me up,
losing my dreams of a successful home, life, career, etc. My hopes
were dashed. My perception of my potential was bleak. It feels
like the end of the world. In a way it is and in a way it is not.
But, let me describe a joining so I can explain what happened
to me. It is like being on two elevators. One is at the top floor and
another is on the bottom floor. Sometimes they are both on the
same floor.
Let's say my 'dreams' are on the first elevator at the top floor.
My daily living and woken self on the other elevator at the bottom
floor. At this point they are separate. Moving of their own accord.
A well adjusted adult is able to keep the dream state from melding
with awokened reality. Sleep, I dream. Awake, alert. But with me,
all of a sudden, I am on both elevators together twined to eachother
with the illusion of being just one elevator, yet it is both. Bringing
you to the walking dream state. Once those two sets of awareness
come together, it is for life.
But, now that I am older, I view my handicap as an opportunity.
This is just recent, my point of view. Now I am 45 and in college
working toward an associate's degree in psychology., I feel confident
that I can bring peace and understanding to many (not all) of my
peers and their families.
So, with a mental illness, it is just a different state of being. It is
combined awareness. My state of being allows me to bring
together my consciousness with a focus I thought was lost to childhood.
I am again, gaining my center. I attribute it to my schooling and
peers. Family is in there too. But, sometimes they cannot grasp that
I have two synchronized realities, because their awareness has not
evolved into a combined awareness yet, and probably won't happen
for them.
My optimism has gotten better with age. I see how some of my
classmates from the past are expected to work and work and work.
Working maybe forty or more years. Getting pessimistic. Going
into deep debt. Losing hope about ever digging themselves out of
bad credit. Living check to check and never staying in their means.
But, when one door opens another is there, open, but you
don't see it yet. I am lucky. I am debt free. I can play. I don't
have to work, but I still have responsibilities. I have obligations.
I have to work with a low budget. As before I have learned to
live within my means. Even paid off a student loan. Never
declared bankruptcy. Either I can afford it outright, or I can't
afford it.
There is a lot to do in my town, and a lot of it is free to
the general public. And if I plan it right, I have all the time
in the world to enjoy it. Consider this an early retirement.
So, chin up!!! You just haven't envisioned your new
potential yet. Learn the truth of your combined awareness.
Remember, accept your symptoms. Recognize that
they are there, then you will be in a better state of mind
and be able to send your symptoms into remission. Let's
broach being functional as being a form of remission.
But we can touch on the subject of remission a little
later on.
May your days and nights be bright, and may your
sunsets be easy on your eyes. Good luck. Hang in there.
Your center is waiting to be found.
pessimism optimism
the coupon links useful and entertaining.
My next subject, for this blogsite, is how to cope with ambitions of your
youth next to your opportunities in the moment. Yes, it is said, "when one
door closes another one opens". And, I say to this, "So TRUE".
Of course my perspective 25 years ago, newly 21 with a mental illness
diagnosis, was very narrow. I had worked at a job where my boss wouldn't
let me leave when I was scheduled, threatening to fire me. I didn't know my
rights, only felt an overwhelming chore of responsibility. Consequently, I
ended up working two 77 hour work weeks in a row. Boy was I tired and
exhausted.
I was so tired, but couldn't sleep deeply. I was missing my REM's, so
the quality of my rest was fitful at best.
I saw an explaination, just recently. Finally, I know how to describe
what happened to me before my first hospitalization.
With my fatigue and highly public job (jr./sr. cashier at a restaurant)
the stress I was under was extreme.
One day, after those two weeks, I go into work and the boss gives
me the day off. There was very unusual weather at the time, with
scattered thunderclouds and blue skies. I thought great! I was going
to enjoy this R&R.
I went back home and changed clothes and went to a little quaint
bar where they were showing the college basketball sweet sixteen.
Next thing I know, the newscaster acted like he could see me. So,
freaking out a little bit, I left and decided to go for a walk. Then,
I got lost. Somewhere along the way, I lost my jewelry too.
I kept expecting certain things to happen. Only some of it did.
But that was enough. Enough for me and enough to lock me up,
losing my dreams of a successful home, life, career, etc. My hopes
were dashed. My perception of my potential was bleak. It feels
like the end of the world. In a way it is and in a way it is not.
But, let me describe a joining so I can explain what happened
to me. It is like being on two elevators. One is at the top floor and
another is on the bottom floor. Sometimes they are both on the
same floor.
Let's say my 'dreams' are on the first elevator at the top floor.
My daily living and woken self on the other elevator at the bottom
floor. At this point they are separate. Moving of their own accord.
A well adjusted adult is able to keep the dream state from melding
with awokened reality. Sleep, I dream. Awake, alert. But with me,
all of a sudden, I am on both elevators together twined to eachother
with the illusion of being just one elevator, yet it is both. Bringing
you to the walking dream state. Once those two sets of awareness
come together, it is for life.
But, now that I am older, I view my handicap as an opportunity.
This is just recent, my point of view. Now I am 45 and in college
working toward an associate's degree in psychology., I feel confident
that I can bring peace and understanding to many (not all) of my
peers and their families.
So, with a mental illness, it is just a different state of being. It is
combined awareness. My state of being allows me to bring
together my consciousness with a focus I thought was lost to childhood.
I am again, gaining my center. I attribute it to my schooling and
peers. Family is in there too. But, sometimes they cannot grasp that
I have two synchronized realities, because their awareness has not
evolved into a combined awareness yet, and probably won't happen
for them.
My optimism has gotten better with age. I see how some of my
classmates from the past are expected to work and work and work.
Working maybe forty or more years. Getting pessimistic. Going
into deep debt. Losing hope about ever digging themselves out of
bad credit. Living check to check and never staying in their means.
But, when one door opens another is there, open, but you
don't see it yet. I am lucky. I am debt free. I can play. I don't
have to work, but I still have responsibilities. I have obligations.
I have to work with a low budget. As before I have learned to
live within my means. Even paid off a student loan. Never
declared bankruptcy. Either I can afford it outright, or I can't
afford it.
There is a lot to do in my town, and a lot of it is free to
the general public. And if I plan it right, I have all the time
in the world to enjoy it. Consider this an early retirement.
So, chin up!!! You just haven't envisioned your new
potential yet. Learn the truth of your combined awareness.
Remember, accept your symptoms. Recognize that
they are there, then you will be in a better state of mind
and be able to send your symptoms into remission. Let's
broach being functional as being a form of remission.
But we can touch on the subject of remission a little
later on.
May your days and nights be bright, and may your
sunsets be easy on your eyes. Good luck. Hang in there.
Your center is waiting to be found.
pessimism optimism