As I began my journey through mental illness, there were a few things going for me. One is that my grandfather and uncle (on my mother's side) were mentally ill. The things that the family said as I was growing up alienated me from my uncle and my grandfather. The family showered them with false affection, always saying negative remarks about them at their back. To this I was a witness. A witness to family stigma. This is what I had and have going for me.
The family started stigma within the family telling children negative things about mentally ill family members. That made stigma within the family first, then there was stigma publicly. But, what do you tell children about mental illness? The odd behavior and obvious side effects gather looks and side-glances leaving a gaping hole of the unexplained and unknown.
As I was growing up with a mental illness, I had a long road ahead of me and it looked bleak. But, the more I studied mental illness, the more I came across ways to strengthen my boundaries and mentally defend myself against insults, disrespect, and innuendo. I learned how to respect myself. This gave me the confidence to be publicly open about my mental illness.
Sharing with confidence gave me the encouragement to continue to learn about mental illness. What is it? Who gets it? Who has it? What can you do now that you have it? What is medicine for if I dont feel sick? Why are you doing this? Why are you treating me this way? Why? What is it like?
I feel that educating myself helps me educate others. Like those in my family. Slowly, because it doesn't happen overnight, my family started to come around and seem to understand a little better about what mental illness is. The biggest benefit to openly study my own mental illness is how I learned how to identify a symptom and explain it. Not just identifying, but also finding a course (avenue) of explanation because they go hand in hand.
Groups and processing in programs gave me the skills I needed to identify symptoms. In groups, you discuss how your day is. You talk about things you are worried about. There is genuine concern from staff and there is good advice from peers. These groups are critical in advancing treatment, goals, and recovery. But, I took it a step further and have been taking 'brainiac' college courses. The kind of courses that help you study the brain and its function. With these two together, it is a great advantage to stay focused and lucid. It has really helped me stay on topic during conversation.
So, become a 'brainiac', not a maniac. Look into a college course or two and expand your horizon. You don't need a high school diploma for community college. They have assessment entry tests. There are grants to help you pay for college. It is fun, exciting, and it gets you out of the house for a little while.
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