Instinct vs. Experience

   What do religion, spirituality, meditation, and mental 
illness all have in common? ----- euphoria. A mental 
sense that transcends reality. Euphoria is a symptom and 
the participant seems like a fanatic, a zealot. When you
find yourself in an episode, you are being romanced by
your symptoms and seduced into following that euphoria.

     It is not thrill seeking. That would create adrenaline.
Euphoria is ethereal, an out of body like experience. It 
feels magical, if you can imagine what magical would 
be like. In a way, all your senses are awash with feeling,
being, and are attuned to the tiniest little thing. It could
be the sidewalk hieroglyphics that might show on the 
sidewalk to guide you, it could be the clouds, or it could
be that you see a garden among weeds.

     Your brain makes you feel like you are having 
premonitions and that relief is just around the corner.
Well, I can tell you that relief is elusive. You never quite
make it to your personal epiphany and you begin to 
travel into danger. It is this behavior that worries people.
It worries your family, it worries your friends, it is strange
and unusual to strangers who are not worried- they are
afraid. They are scared.

     So, what do I do to give myself a reality check? I tell
myself that if I can touch it, then I can prove it. If I can't 
touch it, well, then I can't prove it. That is what I learned
from experience. Euphoria, well, I don't know if that
would be instinct. 

 I like this little saying:

     "The ignorance of my reason, contrasts with my 
                        wisdom of knowledge"

The ignorance of my reason, is pure instinct.
                            and
wisdom of knowledge, is experience. 

Vocabulary ABC's

Side-Effects

     

 

Why Say Gravely Disabled?

     What has motivated me to take as many Psychology
classes as possible? Well, lets look at something first.
I showed signs of a mental disability when I was 19, 
but did not get diagnosed until I was newly 21. Many
family members kept saying that I was taking too much
to heart and that I should not let all the back-biting get
to me. But, I cannot turn off my ears and I cannot face
those that lie to me with a neutral face. 

   I was always told that mental illness, in my family, only
hit the men. In school, I learned that that is not true. The
mother passes on the mental illness, not the father, through
the x chromosome. So, when I  was told that I had mental
illness, I rebelled. I was so sure that the experts were wrong.

     So, eventually, I began on my path to prove the experts
wrong. I have been in school for many years now. I took
almost all of the psychology classes offered at my local
community college and hope to move on to the university.
I wanted to know, from the experts, why they were saying
that I am mentally ill. Surely, someone is joking right?

     So, I started on the road to learning. I started with 
psychology 101. From there I branched into sociology 101,
health 101, and philosophy 101 (where an instructor 
encouraged me to continue in the social field). I learned
how to write better, attending journalism and english 
classes. I took another philosophy class to have better
critical thinking skills. I learned sign language that helped
me get some of my facial expressions back in control. I
took some art classes, and learned that it is not my forte.
I took biology, political science, and math. 

     Soon, I was able to concentrate on psychology classes.
So, I took psychology 101, but what else is there? There
are actually quite a bit. Such as; social psychology, human
sexuality, developmental psychology, physiological 
psychology, learning psychology, abnormal psychology, 
and statistics. All of these were interesting, but what did
I learn? I learned that I can now identify for myself what
is so wrong, and I can explain myself to my doctor ever
better for it. I have come to the realization that I am even
more disabled than what the doctor's diagnosed and was
able to open up for the first time with my doctor, areas in
need of treatment. 

     I will continue to be an active player in my treatment,
and I don't need to be ashamed of my diagnosis. I am who
I am, and the doctors can treat me with a better idea as to
what exactly is wrong, so I can stay in remission. I have 
reached acceptance. I accept that I am mentally ill, but I
still disagree with the 'gravely disabled' part of it. How can
I be, when I am so functional? 

Vocabulary ABC's

Side-effects