9/11 and why I didn't post anything...

You may be asking why I didnt post anything

for 9/11. The truth is, is that when it happened

I was living in my car with my elementary aged

children and in a full blown symptom that tainted

my reasoning. It was a terrible thing to have happen

and I was almost in one of those airplanes myself. I

just happened to have flown a couple of days before.

You see, my world ended and my life was forever

changed on that day. I traveled with my children to

pick up my mother and we went to a crisis house. I 

walked my children to the back door and left my mother

at the front door. You see. I am still mixed up about it.

My stepdad had kicked me out of the house and they

kept my kids. I went to DC to my grandmother's house

to look for a place for me and the kids. She wouldn't let

me borrow her car and I felt trapped. I told her that I

changed my mind and wanted to go home. She said "wait,

it is too soon". What she meant by that, I don't know. I felt

that I was losing my kids and that it would look like

abandonment. So, I flew home from DC the night of the 9th?

Or the 10th? I just know that it was really close to that day.

I don't fly now. Also, that day is forever imbedded into our

memories and we will never forget. I will never forget that 

day. All of those people who lost their lives and me the day

that forever changed my life. It forever changed all of our

lives. It is a devastatingly difficult day to remember for all

of us. I have survivor's guilt. It was "too soon". I was 

supposed to be on one of those planes. 

Vocabulary ABC's 

The Journal of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law

Board of Behavioral Sciences     (Candidate Handbook)

RADT-I (registered alcohol and drug technician)

I may just have a symbiont within me...

 Ok. Well. I have previously described mental illness symptoms as being like a subliminal sight. It is like interpreting what you see. You see on the inside. You have premonitions etc. Well, now I am wondering...could it be that I am hosting a symbiont?

 This symbiont shares her memories with me. She can be really funny and make me laugh out loud at her previous lives' behaviors. Sometimes, I feel like it was me in another life, just having a memory session. The laughter helps to keep up my morale. Especially when there are others around me that would rather see me suffer. 

 And then things can get serious. Like, she takes me on missions. As if we are fighting for God's life. Like we are protecting God from being killed by those that would rather have God dead than alive. You might say that God is neither alive nor dead. I say that it might just depend on your perception.

 Speaking of perception. This is why (the symbiont) sometimes I meet people who are strangers in my life, but not in my memory. I feel like I have known them previously and then I either trust or not. Or, I know someone all my life and then something doesn't ring true and I feel like they are imposters. This is difficult for me to explain. But the psychiatrist that I told this to several years ago, let me know that there is a name to it. It is called "capgras syndrome". 

  The Journal of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law

   Healthline Mental Health page   >>>Imposter Syndrome Explained

  Vocabulary ABC's in Mental Health Circles  

 Hopefully these help. There is an opposite to Capgras Syndrome where you feel you have known the person all of your life even though they are strangers, but I cannot find the term at this time. I apologize. Thank you everyone for your continued interest in my blog. Hope it is helpful.