I must apologize to my readers. I am sorry for that last post. I must have been having flashbacks of her. Her = my mother... I see her you know. Standing just at my door facing me when it is closed at night and I am trying to go to bed.
I saw a beautiful Facebook post about a biker whose wife passed during birth and he was only allowed to hold his daughter for 23 minutes before they took her from him and told him that he was unfit to be a father. He never was allowed to see her again.
Such stories make me cry. Anyways, I think that story triggered me. I feel like I still need to defend myself with my children. (Children now because they are grown and living their lives well, not kids for they are both now in their 30's) My memories of them when they were young, do not mesh with what they know, because my mother wiped their memories. I have to defend myself and my choices.
For example, I was at a happy hour (no alcohol) with my son, his new wife and my good friend of 20 years. I tried to talk about my son's background and he was like, "Mom. Please." So I had to stop. I wish that my children would let me see if their memories mesh with mine. Please, at least some of their memories, but no. They even argue with me about my life back then. What they "think" happened but not what really happened because they weren't there at that time.
That was just a brief explanation on the footing I have with my children who were told some things but they were lies.
Anyways, I apologize. I am sorry. If the article disturbed you in any way, please keep in mind that I suffered trauma from my mother and I still have memories to process and communication blockades with my children.
Maybe next time, I will write about when you should 5150 a loved one. But that is for another time. Please be vigilant of you surroundings. It is prevent suicide month and some people just need you to listen. Your just being there could change the entire outcome for someone. And, yeah, I tried ...fifteen years ago and I don't wish to ever do that again.
Check out my Vocabulary ABC's there is something there for everybody. I will check the links soon to make sure you are being web directed, but that takes a while and I really need to sit down and just check every link that is in there.
Thank you for allowing me to backslide a bit, by still being here reading this.