Ever since I can remember, I have worked hard everyday. It started with chores
and then moved into odd jobs around the neighborhood. Such as, shoveling snow
and mowing yards. Then, while still having chores at home, I came into a paper
route that just kind of fell into my lap so to speak. I worked hard, and I found it
pretty lucrative (not bad for a twelve year old). I then moved into working for my
mother at law firms. Being an assistant legal messenger/receptionist fill in was
interesting, but mundane. I wanted more from life than to be stuck in an office
all day pushing papers.
Coping with a mental illness is also hard work. At first, things seemed to be
holding me back from my potential. My ambition kept me in denial, because
I was looking at mental illness as an insult, a barrier to my ambitions, a barrier
that was holding me back from my potential.
Then, I surfed my symptoms. I rode wave after wave of symptoms. Sometimes
feeling like I was in heaven and sometimes feeling like I was in hell. It took
forever and a day to realize I could capitalize on mental illness. It was a lot
of will power, but slowly my behavior changed. I embraced my illness. I
realized that I was fighting the wrong war. That it was not my brain that was
the problem, it was my behavior.
But, then, there is something more about my symptoms. Something that
has me looking at dualism (mind separate from body). I could visualize when
I was around someone (living or not) who was visiting me out of body. Now,
of course, some things cannot be seen, but some things require an open mind.
And I am asking for an open mind.
I had to look real hard at my awareness and my consciousness. They are
two distinct perceptions. I get epiphanies and ideas that I can't explain where
they came from other than the fact that I am thinking them without any
previous knowledge of whatever ideas I get sometimes.
Then, I started thinking that I was a meld of some sort. But, that was a
stretch of the imagination. I finally settled on an idea. This idea has me
wondering, am I a host to a higher intellectual being or am I being hosted
for my consciousness. I have come to the realization that I am the host,
because I realize that I interpret what I endure. I am an interpreter to my
symptoms, for better or worse. When I vocalize these thoughts in my mind,
sometimes I have to get the interpretation out, for better or worse. Someone,
around within hearing distance, needs to hear what I interpret. It is kind
of like the way of Tourette syndrome. It is even demanded sometimes.
How did I come by the ideology of being a host to a higher intellectual
being? Because, I get my reality checks through nature. Nature talks to
me. I interpret nature's call. Then, nature gives me my reality checks
through thoughts in my head, not voices in my head. I actually hear nature
out loud, through my ears. I read the signs. I believe in omens. I pray for
safety from becoming prey.
This is a Human, Haebus, Habeas world. We are human now, but we
are also an animal, and we grow like we are planted. I had to learn how
to live where I was planted and to bend with the weather, be it storm
or sunshine, night or day, and now I feel close to blooming. Blooming
because I finally get it. There are thoughts in my head that come from
somewhere beyond my perspective. Some place of a higher realm, a higher
universe, maybe even a parallel universe. There is a reason we learn of the
golden age, the silver ages, and the bronze age. We are living in a dual
realm. We are of two suns, not one. We are binary. Living in a binary
star system. I wish I could explain this paragraph better. I may try to
in a different article. For now, I just think that for every human, there
is an animal parallel and a plant parallel. That we are no longer homo-sapien,
but H U M A N.
Vocabulary ABC's
and then moved into odd jobs around the neighborhood. Such as, shoveling snow
and mowing yards. Then, while still having chores at home, I came into a paper
route that just kind of fell into my lap so to speak. I worked hard, and I found it
pretty lucrative (not bad for a twelve year old). I then moved into working for my
mother at law firms. Being an assistant legal messenger/receptionist fill in was
interesting, but mundane. I wanted more from life than to be stuck in an office
all day pushing papers.
Coping with a mental illness is also hard work. At first, things seemed to be
holding me back from my potential. My ambition kept me in denial, because
I was looking at mental illness as an insult, a barrier to my ambitions, a barrier
that was holding me back from my potential.
Then, I surfed my symptoms. I rode wave after wave of symptoms. Sometimes
feeling like I was in heaven and sometimes feeling like I was in hell. It took
forever and a day to realize I could capitalize on mental illness. It was a lot
of will power, but slowly my behavior changed. I embraced my illness. I
realized that I was fighting the wrong war. That it was not my brain that was
the problem, it was my behavior.
But, then, there is something more about my symptoms. Something that
has me looking at dualism (mind separate from body). I could visualize when
I was around someone (living or not) who was visiting me out of body. Now,
of course, some things cannot be seen, but some things require an open mind.
And I am asking for an open mind.
I had to look real hard at my awareness and my consciousness. They are
two distinct perceptions. I get epiphanies and ideas that I can't explain where
they came from other than the fact that I am thinking them without any
previous knowledge of whatever ideas I get sometimes.
Then, I started thinking that I was a meld of some sort. But, that was a
stretch of the imagination. I finally settled on an idea. This idea has me
wondering, am I a host to a higher intellectual being or am I being hosted
for my consciousness. I have come to the realization that I am the host,
because I realize that I interpret what I endure. I am an interpreter to my
symptoms, for better or worse. When I vocalize these thoughts in my mind,
sometimes I have to get the interpretation out, for better or worse. Someone,
around within hearing distance, needs to hear what I interpret. It is kind
of like the way of Tourette syndrome. It is even demanded sometimes.
How did I come by the ideology of being a host to a higher intellectual
being? Because, I get my reality checks through nature. Nature talks to
me. I interpret nature's call. Then, nature gives me my reality checks
through thoughts in my head, not voices in my head. I actually hear nature
out loud, through my ears. I read the signs. I believe in omens. I pray for
safety from becoming prey.
This is a Human, Haebus, Habeas world. We are human now, but we
are also an animal, and we grow like we are planted. I had to learn how
to live where I was planted and to bend with the weather, be it storm
or sunshine, night or day, and now I feel close to blooming. Blooming
because I finally get it. There are thoughts in my head that come from
somewhere beyond my perspective. Some place of a higher realm, a higher
universe, maybe even a parallel universe. There is a reason we learn of the
golden age, the silver ages, and the bronze age. We are living in a dual
realm. We are of two suns, not one. We are binary. Living in a binary
star system. I wish I could explain this paragraph better. I may try to
in a different article. For now, I just think that for every human, there
is an animal parallel and a plant parallel. That we are no longer homo-sapien,
but H U M A N.
Vocabulary ABC's