Instinct vs. Experience

   What do religion, spirituality, meditation, and mental 
illness all have in common? ----- euphoria. A mental 
sense that transcends reality. Euphoria is a symptom and 
the participant seems like a fanatic, a zealot. When you
find yourself in an episode, you are being romanced by
your symptoms and seduced into following that euphoria.

     It is not thrill seeking. That would create adrenaline.
Euphoria is ethereal, an out of body like experience. It 
feels magical, if you can imagine what magical would 
be like. In a way, all your senses are awash with feeling,
being, and are attuned to the tiniest little thing. It could
be the sidewalk hieroglyphics that might show on the 
sidewalk to guide you, it could be the clouds, or it could
be that you see a garden among weeds.

     Your brain makes you feel like you are having 
premonitions and that relief is just around the corner.
Well, I can tell you that relief is elusive. You never quite
make it to your personal epiphany and you begin to 
travel into danger. It is this behavior that worries people.
It worries your family, it worries your friends, it is strange
and unusual to strangers who are not worried- they are
afraid. They are scared.

     So, what do I do to give myself a reality check? I tell
myself that if I can touch it, then I can prove it. If I can't 
touch it, well, then I can't prove it. That is what I learned
from experience. Euphoria, well, I don't know if that
would be instinct. 

 I like this little saying:

     "The ignorance of my reason, contrasts with my 
                        wisdom of knowledge"

The ignorance of my reason, is pure instinct.
                            and
wisdom of knowledge, is experience. 

Vocabulary ABC's

Side-Effects

     

 

Why Say Gravely Disabled?

     What has motivated me to take as many Psychology
classes as possible? Well, lets look at something first.
I showed signs of a mental disability when I was 19, 
but did not get diagnosed until I was newly 21. Many
family members kept saying that I was taking too much
to heart and that I should not let all the back-biting get
to me. But, I cannot turn off my ears and I cannot face
those that lie to me with a neutral face. 

   I was always told that mental illness, in my family, only
hit the men. In school, I learned that that is not true. The
mother passes on the mental illness, not the father, through
the x chromosome. So, when I  was told that I had mental
illness, I rebelled. I was so sure that the experts were wrong.

     So, eventually, I began on my path to prove the experts
wrong. I have been in school for many years now. I took
almost all of the psychology classes offered at my local
community college and hope to move on to the university.
I wanted to know, from the experts, why they were saying
that I am mentally ill. Surely, someone is joking right?

     So, I started on the road to learning. I started with 
psychology 101. From there I branched into sociology 101,
health 101, and philosophy 101 (where an instructor 
encouraged me to continue in the social field). I learned
how to write better, attending journalism and english 
classes. I took another philosophy class to have better
critical thinking skills. I learned sign language that helped
me get some of my facial expressions back in control. I
took some art classes, and learned that it is not my forte.
I took biology, political science, and math. 

     Soon, I was able to concentrate on psychology classes.
So, I took psychology 101, but what else is there? There
are actually quite a bit. Such as; social psychology, human
sexuality, developmental psychology, physiological 
psychology, learning psychology, abnormal psychology, 
and statistics. All of these were interesting, but what did
I learn? I learned that I can now identify for myself what
is so wrong, and I can explain myself to my doctor ever
better for it. I have come to the realization that I am even
more disabled than what the doctor's diagnosed and was
able to open up for the first time with my doctor, areas in
need of treatment. 

     I will continue to be an active player in my treatment,
and I don't need to be ashamed of my diagnosis. I am who
I am, and the doctors can treat me with a better idea as to
what exactly is wrong, so I can stay in remission. I have 
reached acceptance. I accept that I am mentally ill, but I
still disagree with the 'gravely disabled' part of it. How can
I be, when I am so functional? 

Vocabulary ABC's

Side-effects

What Am I Taking?

If you have been on medicine for a long time, you
know what works and what doesn't. You also know
that sometimes doctors change. A doctor who was 
there and then was no longer practicing where you 
were being seen.

I am a big proponent when it comes to being pro-
active in your own treatment. When you can enter
the doctor's office and recite why you need a medicine
over the one you are taking now, it is empowering, 
because the doctor will allow you to make small 
dictations when it comes to your treatment.

The more you know, well, the older you probably 
are. It is through experience that you find what works
and what doesn't. I have a list of medicines in my 
blog where it is a pdf on medicines. It is in my
Vocabulary ABC's under the term side-effects.

From there, you can see that there are a lot of 
medicines out there that you have probably never
heard of. Well, it would be a good idea to educate
yourself on the different medicines, where you can
find a particular medicine in the same group of 
medicines that you take. These are just examples of 
the variety out there.

I am a firm believer in Seroquel. That medicine 
stopped my phantom twitches and allowed me some
semblance of normalcy. I also take Zyprexa and an
old standby- Haldol. I never thought I would go back
to Haldol, but it stopped my phantom shadow people.
Zyprexa just helps me metabolize the Seroquel. 

But, if you go to the page on side-effects on my page
of Vocabulary ABC's, you can find out more than I can
tell you. 

I know that Prolixin makes me rock and sway. I know 
that Depakote makes me fat. I know that Lithium makes
me shake. I know that Clozaril makes me look funny.
I know that Tarazadone makes me look funny. I know 
that Mellaril was a favorite, until they found a bad 
side-effect and stopped prescribing them, without 
telling the patients why they can't take it anymore. I 
know that doctors like to prescribe Geodon, if you refuse
Zyprexa. I request Keppra instead of Depakote, and
my doctors listened to my request.

One of the very things that doctors don't tell you, is 
that if you are in a facility, involuntarily, you don't get
to say much. But, if you are in there voluntarily, you
have some say in your treatment. When you get to 
have a say, it is a small freedom that you cannot take
for granted. There is so very little you can do, why not
make the most of it. Say yes to treatment.

Vocabulary ABC's

For My Mental Health

     Is emotion measurable? It sure is. What is even more
measurable are the emotions you can name. The more
emotions that you know, potentially links you to a higher 
self-esteem. A confidence booster if you will.
     You might ask yourself, "How can I measure my 
emotions?" Well, jot down on paper all the emotions that
you know and can identify with. Then look at an emotion
sheet, something like this:

 
Even better
try this:



Now, go to the list and see if you know even more emotions.
This is a good look at getting to know your emotional self.
You might recognize some that you could have written down.
Good luck. And, happy reading.

Vocabulary ABC's

 

Identifying How I Feel Emotions

     Yes, emotion is physical, and can make your day or not.
When we identify our emotions, we can perform an inner 
perspective tally that helps define how you are feeling. This
is important, because the more accurate your self assessment, 
the better to explain how you feel, in turn the better you can 
explain your feelings to your doctor. So, the more emotions
that you know, the better you can control your behavior.

VOCABULARY ABC'S IN MENTAL HEALTH CIRCLES

How Do I Supplement My Income?

     You might be wondering how do I get by on the pittance
they call Social Security. Well, I have found
that there are some ways that help and you still get
your Social Security.
     One way to supplement your income is to agree to
enter into certain research opportunities. Not all are that
great and can cause potential damage, if you are going
for a medical trial. You might be given the placebo. But,
there are other research opportunities, that just monitor
you in different ways. I have entered into an MRI trial.
I have entered into an aging study of the mentally ill. But,
I hear that if it is medicine, it could get a little tricky. So,
just be careful of what you agree to do.
     Another way that I supplement my income is through 
school. I receive grant money, that is meant to be a refund
of tuition and books. In community college, I get a little
more than what I have spent.
     I also look for odd jobs. Sometimes, even a little money,
for those on Social Security, can mean all the difference.
You might also want to try a part-time job. You still get 
to keep your Social Security, but you need to be honest about
your earnings to those that you report to. I have been an
election poll worker. I have been a temporary event assistant
at school. There are ways to earn money, and you will feel a 
little more in control of your future when you do. Good luck.

Vocabulary ABC's

Get Educated Before It Is Too Late

     It is time to hit the books, before congress cuts the 
education budget by billions. You might say how? How
do I go to college?
     First, you should take a look at your local community
college. You can at least get covered for an A.A. or A.S.
through the financial aid department without having to 
take out student loans that never go away.
     I told my kids to let their first graduation pay for the
next. Yes, an A.A. or A.S. is just a beginning, but what
better way to spend some free time? You keep your
intellect sharp, and bolster your resume.
     There is this thing about grant moneys. Through the
application process, there is grant money available to
help with costs. These do not need to be paid back-unless
you cannot hold a C average, or bail on attendance. It's
there FOR YOU. For those that think college is out of reach.
The fact is- It IS WITHIN your REACH! That is what 
community college is all about. It is a stepping stone that
most take for granted. You could even become a nurse
in two years at a community college, or go part time for
a little while longer.
     Now, go get um! Good Luck! Start your FAFSA now!

Vocabulary ABC's
 

Healthcare to Americans with Mental Disabilities

     I have noticed a difference in treatment, when I go to the Emergency Room. They give me a different folder, take my information, and then kick me out. I am told that my concern is not life threatening and that I need to see my general practicioner for a referral.

     I worry about my health. I have been dizzy with a low-grade fever for months now. My uncle died young. He complained of a tummy ache for four months until they finally saw him and found that he had terminal stomach cancer. I wonder if they had found it sooner, would he be alive today. He was 46 and a schizophrenic.

     When I go to the hospital for chest pain, the ER tells me that it is just a panic attack and to stop coming in for chest pain. My cardiologist wants me to go to the ER when I experience chest pain, but the hospital sends a Psyche-Tech to evaluate my mood, and then sends  me home without treatment.

     This is a national dilemma. It hurts my feelings to be told that I cannot get treatment. I feel like the medical world just wants me to die. If I didn't have a disability, I would be seen as a patient in the hospital. Maybe it is just this one hospital, but it always happens at this hospital. I am scolded and sent on my way. It is not fair. It is not just. This is my reality.

     This only started when Obamacare was passed. For some reason, if you are mentally ill you get the shaft. The medical field doesn't care if you have insurance or not. They refuse to treat you. It is even harder to find a psychiatrist that takes your insurance. Horrible to be mentally ill in America!

Vocabulary ABC's

The Problem with Functional Ability

     There is a problem when you have to deal with symptoms.
This problem is feeling spiritual. Religion, faith, and spiritualness
seem to explain each other, but that is not the case. Religion is a
structured focus, faith is confidence in the Lord, and spiritualness is
the feeling of euphoria that most people get when faced with godliness.
    Many mentally ill people suffer from inner turmoil. When we
were little we were taught that our inner voice comes from God.
This inner voice keeps the inner turmoil in check. But the problem
with being religious when you are mentally ill, is the lack of
conscious thought (believing, trusting in God) where faith and
trust can be viewed separately. The mentally ill do not have the
functional ability to separate reality from religion.
     Seeing things differently, is like a mental getaway. A vacation
from whatever has become disturbing. When that happens, the
focus would more than likely be toward "trusting God" than on
reality. This behavior makes recovery difficult. Some of us get
caught up in the euphoria and don't want to "get better". It romances you, it draws you in like a slow seduction. Then, before
you notice, you are slipping into your symptoms, finding yourself
in a full-blown episode in need of emergency intervention.
     To the mentally ill- faith, reality, myth, legend, and tradition
are all wrapped up together without the ability to believe these in
a separate manner. This is why treatment is difficult and recovery
fleeting. At least the care and treatment of the mentally ill has
improved over the decades. Now, we progress farther into medically identifying mental illness and what types. Closer
than the guessing games we had in the past. Closer to a cure.

Vocabulary ABC's in Mental Health

Emotion chart
    
    

Does a Diagnosis mean I will NEVER find a Job?

     Many patients think that receiving a diagnosis means career
suicide. That is not always the case. You just have to get a little
more inventive and look for positions that require you to be disabled. That way you can be open with your boss and co-workers.

     Most employers are discriminatory about a mental health diagnosis, but there are other employers who look for someone

to be disabled to fulfill a government quota. Yes, there is also

an incentive through Social Security that would allow your boss

to supplement your pay. That program is called Ticket-to-Work.

I am not sure how much they would pay your employer, but it is

supposed to help you reach gainful employment.

     I have switched careers about five times. It has been frustrating and disheartening. But, I think I finally found a position that I can

be good at and that is a Peer Support Counselor. I just graduated

college with an A.A. in Psychology and happen to be in the process of attaining employment. I had just happened to apply one week before the potential employer called me.

     I am excited, but I have to be careful not to be too needy, giving my potential employer time to get through a process that feels like

it will take forever, but it will work out. I feel confident that I will

fit in.

     When you look for a position, it helps to find out if your potential employer has employed the disabled successfully. Otherwise, it can be heartbreaking, knowing that you are qualified, but the employer says that the position has already been filled, usually by someone less qualified.

     Remember to look at the employees too. Sometimes, it is the

employees that discriminate. Many feel that if you qualify for

Social Security, you should stay on Social Security and give

the chance of a job to someone who needs to support their family.

They don't realize that Social Security is below poverty limits and

that you want to be more successful in life, and not just get by with

Social Security.

     Remember, you too can be successful! You just have to look in

the right places.

Vocabulary ABC's

Emotion

Altruistic and Poor

     I am poor, but full of altruism. Altruistic is a fancy name
for a person who is giving. I am poor. I know I am poor, but
there are those around me who are poorer and my heart goes
out to them. Sometimes, I can give something and other times
I cannot.
   Typically, my giving is simple. A hat for a homeless man
who has a head injury. Or, a towel for a pillow. Most of the
time, I cannot give. But when I do give, it is usually something
I can either live without or buy again cheaply. And I know it
will be used, especially if it is just collecting dust.
    I have shared my food with others. Giving them some of my
dinner or giving them something to cook for dinner. I dare not
give too much, for surely there are those who can play it like
a game. Oh, don't feel sorry for me, my income only determines
my peer group. If I made more money, my benefits would be
affected. I would then have more money, and yet less.
    Yes, I have been homeless before, yet not quite homeless
because I still had an income. I have paid my debts and there
are those so far in debt, I eclipse them as debt free. Well, there
is one bill, but I cannot pay it. It is medical and should have
been billed to my insurance. It is not my fault.
    But, you are only as poor as you can handle. And, if you
have an altruistic nature? Good for you, and better for the
others. Remember, there are those who may be even poorer
than you. Something to think about.

Vocabulary ABC's

Emotions


   

Priorities

     We all deal with priorities. Using calendars, notes to self,
and lists of things to do. We have schedules for taking our
medicine, doctor visits, and social appearances.
     Sometimes, you might have to juggle appointments in order
to accommodate everything on your to do list. But, it is important
to make you a priority sometimes. Do something fun. Like, going
to the Zoo or Museums. Or take a walk around town, or just the
block.
     Going shopping can be stressful, especially if you don't have
a list. But, if you plan ahead, plan something in there for some
me time, like a bubble bath with candles or a favorite tv show.
Something just for you. Pamper yourself.
     I go to school for me. I enjoy it. But, I still need to manage
my time. Between studying for more than one class, I juggle
assignments and tests. I plan for them. I keep a calendar and I
use notes to myself too. It is a process, but once you start keeping
appointments and deadlines in a calendar, it gets easier to plan
me time. Even having coffee with a friend can become me time.
Give it a try? You might be surprised at how full a schedule you
end up with.

Vocabulary ABC's                             TedTalks on Listening

Emotions
    
    

Diagnosis Is All About Behavior

     It is a case of misunderstanding. When you are diagnosed
with a mental illness, it feels like a criticism of your intelligence and brain. What few understand, is that to be diagnosed as mentally ill, the doctors use your behavior and communication dialog to diagnose you.
     With the new DSM5, there are revised categories, with revised symptoms. In a previous entry, I thought homosexuality is no longer diagnosed as a mental illness, but I was wrong. It is now classified as Gender Dysphoria. There are also parameters for about 10 personality disorders. There are only two for bipolar when there used to be three. So, not much has changed after all.
     To get back on track about behavior, there is still no one-test way of diagnosing a mental illness. The doctors and staff still base their findings on how you behave and what your dialog is like. They also use cues that are present in conversation to categorize you. Another sad part about being diagnosed with a mental illness, is that the diagnosis is for life, so the patient needs to learn how to express concerns to their treatment team, for the best possible outcome for all included.
     On a tangent, before HIPPA, my grandmother and mother would call my psychiatrist and tell stories that biased my treatment. Even though they are gone now, they wouldn't be allowed to do that today. Treatment is private and the staff that work in mental health keep confidentiality practices. Only those you approve of can voice their concerns and even then, most of the time the ones that you approve of can face an uphill battle to be connected to an individual treatment. It is an issue of the privacy of the patient, not the concerns of the family.
     But, diagnosis is all about behavior. The DNA testing available to the mentally ill now, screens for 25 different medicines, to see if you can tolerate the medicine. But, still no DNA testing for diagnostic purposes alone. Yet, the medical field is getting close to such testing. Unfortunately, the testing is not available to the general public yet, probably due to the costs involved.
    

Vocabulary ABC's

Emotions

In Touch

As we go through life, we experience certain emotions. Knowing what emotion
is what is helpful in expressing yourself. There are more to emotions than just-
happy or sad. It can become a larger list that more accurately describes how you
are feeling. The above are just a few.


Remember Vocab. ABC's

It's Too Early To Tell

     It's too early to tell what Donald Trump is going to do for the
Mentally Ill in the United States, or what he is going to do against
the Mentally Ill.
     His agenda seems to be sweeping through old laws and regulations,
and beginning to prepare for the new arguments to his executive orders. He
has made clear that a mental health approach v. gun law approach is
leaning toward a mental health problem not a gun problem. I say that
it is a Criminally Ill problem, not a Mentally Ill problem.
     As for health care, those in the US stand to gain and lose at the same
time. There are established insurance policies that cover mental health
expenses that I would like to see come back from Obamacare. But, I
cringe when I think of my young adult children going without coverage.
     Obamacare is unjustified. There was a peaceful protest within the
healthcare system that cried foul with Obamacare in place. What that
meant is that with Obamacare, the mentally ill had to decide what was
more important, a primary physician or a psychiatrist (because with
Obamacare either you were covered for primary care or psychiatric
care, not both).
    


Trump Executive Orders First Week


Vocabulary ABC's in Mental Health
I would like my readers to know that
this blog page has been updated and
there are many new links added to a
few terms. Since the new president
has come to office, some of the links
became obsolete. I hope you still find
Voc ABC's helpful and share worthy.
Auntie Steph



    

What They Didn't Tell Me About College

                    What they didn't tell me about college:

     1. That getting an associate's degree takes longer than two years.

     2. That if you have an outstanding student loan, it disqualifies

          you from being eligible for grants.

     3. That in order to be part of an honors group you need to go

          to classes full time.

     4. That textbooks are affordable at amazon.com

     5. That handwritten papers are a thing of the past.

     6. That your professor might be younger than you.

     7. That there are cliques within your classes.

     8. That those in a group project might take your topic.

     9. That not all classes are transferrable from school to school.

   10. That there are politics that play out between students.

   11. That there is more than one department to help with

         financial aid and books (EOPS).

   12. That school counseling can direct you to other school

         programs.

   13. That school can help you find work.

   14. That in order to be eligible for a career, you need at least

          a four year bachelor's degree, maybe a master's.

   15. That you don't need a high school diploma to go to college.

   16. That doing undergrad classes at a community college is a
          smart thing to do.
   17. That doing undergrad classes at a community college might
          help you make the transfer to a four-year college easier.

Vocabulary ABC's in Mental Health