It's Called Compromise

     When someone becomes disabled psychologically, you 
cannot tell when it begins. Only when it gets bad do we then
send our loved one off to treatment.

     What makes it difficult, is when that loved one stays in
denial longer than you would like. They don't feel broken. 
They don't feel wrong. They are in a euphoria, they are 
romanced by their symptoms, they want to stay right where 
they are. They don't want medicine.

     Medicine takes the euphoria away. It brings one back 
down to reality. Maybe we like being in a euphoria, but what
we don't see,  is our dangerous behavior.

     This behavior can be walking in the middle of a busy
highway. going across a bridge and not jumping, or          
laughing without cause..(this I can tell you is usually
a personal joke, that our psyche uses to keep us from 
depression)...
      
     We also denounce medicine, because of all the side-effects
associated with it..Only living and experiencing different 
medicines given to us, can we begin to make a difference
in our own treatment.

     Only when you have had a medicine before, and you
know if it works or not, and you ask your doctor to change
the current medicine to something you remember works, 
does compromise show up..never to be fully cured, but 
compromise helps you feel more in control over what is 
happening to you..

     We don't see your concern as tough love..we see it as condemnation..
 
     So, hang in there. accepting treatment takes a long, long
time to get to the point of compromise, because first you 
need to come out of denial...


Vocabulary ABC's




 






 

Just a few for now...

The ignorance of my reason,
contrasts with my wisdom of
knowledge..

Breaking it down:

The ignorance of my reason---well this is instinct

                   to be followed by:

 my wisdom of knowledge----this is education

 and contrasts with----- are the conflicts of your conscience

The biggest war you will ever have to fight,
is the battle within yourself.... 


To help you win that battle, please visit my article:
Vocabulary ABC's
 

Looking Back In Time....

     Looking back in time, I see myself in the behaviors (that 
classify my diagnosis) through the behaviors of my clients at
work. I see what happened to me is happening to them. But,
this hindsight doesn't do me much good.

     Looking back in time, I see my family's reaction to the 
fact that I am mentally ill. Even though my grandfather and
uncle had mental illness, they were accepting at the lack
of love and understanding from family. But I was not 
predisposed in this manner and fought back, even to this day,
I fight back, and I never give up. 

     Looking back in time, I see the struggle,
a set vision of what defines mental illness, without any 
education as to how to treat mental illness. Now, when 
someone in the family gets diagnosed- what happens to 
family comes first?

     Looking back in time, there are definitely issues.
Growing pains is what they used to call it. I will use
the Erickson ladder and tell you that I am stuck to the
rung ten through twelve.  

     Looking back in time, my family gave up, but I never
did. 

                     Vocabulary ABC's in Mental Health

Thank You

     I would like to thank my readers for sticking
with me, and bringing me to a pivitol point of
over 10,000 views.

     I say thank you for many reasons. One reason
is the continuing readership. Having my blog
read really encourages me to continue writing
for my readers.

     I also say thank you, because my readership
solely depends on word of mouth. I hope to
continue to bring to the table what my readers
enjoy, and I say enjoy as in the joy of learning
and coping with mental illness; whether you
yourself are disabled, or family, or even friend.

     I say thank you for passing along this blog
site to others, that has my blog being read
internationally. This word of mouth works.
Please, keep this blog in mind, for your
future and the future of others.

     Thank you and please check out the
following:

Vocabulary ABC's

How Helpful Can Family Be?

     As a patient, I must say that some family
understanding can help or hurt. There are the
'cool' family members and then the 'not so cool'
family members. To gain family understanding
there has to be effort on both sides. 
     Yet, the side of the patient should be viewed
in steps. I say this, because I have been diagnosed
as mentally ill for almost thirty years now. I am 
almost fifty and I was institutionalized by family
when I was twenty-one. I am third generation, or
longer, mental health patient. 
     My grandfather was bipolar. He was ravaged
with ECT (electro-convulsive therapy) all through
his illness- at least twice a week. He had diabetes.
So bad that, he would inject his own insulin twice
a day. One arm, one leg. The next day, the other
arm, the other leg. He died in his sixties.
     My grandfather and my uncle were both on
my mother's side. My uncle was a schizophrenic.
Somehow, I have both and then some. Hence,
schizo-affective bipolar-type. My uncle also had
diabetes. He died when he was 46 years old. I am
counting every day past that as a blessing.
     Both of them, well, they both spent most of their
adult lives in board and cares without many visits
throughout their stay. In fact, they were hardly
visited at all. The family, wrote them off. They were
taken care of and family just couldn't be bothered.
Not their job anymore.
      Then I come along. The first grandchild of the
second family. My grandmother was married twice.
Once to my cousins' grandfather, then to mine. Her
first marriage, she had two children, and in her 
second marriage, she had four children. Of the second
batch, only one child is still alive. Of the first batch,
they are both still alive.
     Out of 11 grandchildren, only I have a mental 
illness. Or so, I am the only one in the family  
'diagnosed' with a mental illness. I refuse to be 
'put aside'. I have my ambition, and I have my
education. Most of the family said, "Don't mess up
your Social Security!" Just live. You have a roof
over your head, a bed to sleep in, food on the table.
You should be happy you have that. 
     It isn't about being happy though. It's not being
contented either. Being happy with what I have is
giving up. I know there is a place for me, I just have
to find it...and I think I have.
     Being a peer support counselor, has me loving to
go to work. I don't have to hide my illness, and I don't
have to be ashamed I have a diagnosis. Maybe, I have
finally found my way. But, I never gave up. 
     The first step, which was a big hurdle, was coming
to terms with my illness. I had to accept that I was a
disabled person. I had to accept my diagnosis.  The 
'cool' family members, would treat me the same as they
did when I was younger. They didn't bombard me with
'the silence' or  talk about me in the same room as if I
wasn't there. To them, I was still the me that they grew
up with.
     The 'not so cool' family, would degrade and chide
to the point of self-consciousness. Embarrassing me in
front of family, but worse, embarrassing me in public. 
It's as if, they want to advertise that I am broken and 
unfixable. That gets them negative attention, and the
one that is the target? Well, now you sort of understand.
     The next step, well, is getting to know your family,
outside of the doctor's office. Don't ask what the doctor
said. Inside that office, things are private. The doctor
tries to help the patient work through their problems
in their own time. You cannot hurry through this. And
asking, only makes it worse, because the patient may 
not know that it is ok to say, "I'm sorry but that is private."
Feeling frustrated without having an emotion name for 
it yet. But, we are working toward emotional intelligence.
Learning that there are more emotions than sad, happy,
angry. It takes time. Time to learn.
     The third step, and by no means the last, is being
able to separate symptoms from reality. Recognizing
when to keep ideas to yourself and when it is ok to
share your thoughts on something. And most of all, 
when we feel like we are still part of the family, that
is the greatest gift. And please, don't insult our 
intelligence, when it is our behavior that got us here.


Vocabulary ABC's

Surgeon General on Stigma
  

Is EQ Helpful for the Mentally ill?

     Everybody is talking about it, everyone has their own 
definition about it,  and everyone has their own way of 
testing for it. But, what is EQ and how can a good EQ help
me?

     In 1995, Daniel Goleman wrote a book supporting 
that EQ is supposed to be even better than IQ. 
How could this be? What is EQ exactly? EQ is an 
abbreviation for Emotional Intelligence.

    There are four branches regarding Emotional Intelligence.
Responding to other's emotions, responding to my emotions,
personal wellbeing, and practicing and managing these 
emotions inside of you and inside of others. 

There are five qualities that feed off of each other, that are 
supposed to be supportive. These qualities are:self-
awareness, self-control, motivation, empathy, and finally
social skills.

    We can start with self-awareness. This trait in the EQ
forum signifies an understanding of one's self and identify
with emotions. Next we will gear up for self-control. Self-
control highlights the effectiveness of controlling one's 
emotions to the point where their display of emotions is
controlled and the individual displays emotions in
appropriate ways.

    Motivation is next, where one sees the end of the tunnel
in reaching goals, and setting these goals realistically. How
many times have you heard, just imagine if you were in
their shoes. Well, the next quality is where one can
understand others' feelings. The last one is kind of tricky. 
The trait is social skills.Interacting socially, managing 
each other's emotions in conversation, lastly, being socially competent.  This trait has the tendency to be different
in different cultures, so what would socially competent
mean for me? I don't know.

    The experts recognize that knowing emotions helps
steer you into the right direction, on your way to becoming 
mentally competent. After reading several articles on 
the topic of Emotional Intelligence, I have come to a 
brilliant discovery.

    This discovery may not be entirely my own, but I made
the conclusion (after reading many articles) and that
conclusion is this:

Emotional Intelligence is in fact one's affect capabilities. 
The ability to accurately identify with one's own emotions, that
influence your behavior. It is affect that needs to be taught
and the known way at the moment is to fill your EQ piggy
bank with as many emotions as you dare. The more 
emotions you know, the more accurate you can be. Somehow,
the teaching of emotion effects affect. Are you behaving
in a way that coincides with your mood? Or are you smiling
through tears...are you acting in line to your mood? Do 
they match? Your mood and reaction? Tricky to learn, but
it shows promise.

    Lastly, the experts purport that EQ is teachable. There is
no right or wrong way to train others to have a good EQ, 
but this is a new concept that requires further study and 
treatment plans. 

    Affect is the key here. There is mood and then there is
affect. Affect is like an adjective to your mood. You 
might be able to say that your moods are the primary emotions
and the affect the secondary and tertiary emotions. Know
them, live them, manage them...

Vocabulary ABC's

Expressed Emotion


   

   
       
     
     



 

How Do You View Food?

     How I view food tells me a lot about my symptoms. How about you?
First, my view of food was el naturale. Broccoli was broccoli and ice cream
was ice cream. I was a kid and everything was new to try.

    I really try to think of when, what, why, how, and where my 'food vision'
changed. I started to think what does eating this do to me. Then I started
to think what was my food made of. What if I told you that food is a luxury?
How would you view food then?

    What if I told you that all the meat was gone, and now if you wanted
that hamburger, you would lose your favorite pet for the meat. Now, we
know that it can cascade into a full blown idea that holds no base in fact
anymore. Now we know that this would be a symptom. But, why did it
take hold like that?

    It went even further, I am afraid. I started to look at the food on my
plate as if it were a storybook, with a giant story waiting for me. Now,
I leave as much on my plate as possible, many times leaving the food
untouched. Is this mental illness or an eating disorder? What if I told
you it is both? I did not lose my hunger, just my appetite. I still wanted
to eat, but could not bring myself to touch the food, taste the food, eat
the food. This is not anorexia, it is something deeper. Something that
many mentally ill people face.

    To me, it was like a test of food stories, instead of a test of will.
After a while, I started playing with my food. Then, if the story left,
I could finally eat a little. But, I would have to take another look,
just in case a new story showed up. Building my food, breaking it
down, and building it back up again. Most of the time my hunger
won and I would eat, but feel very guilty about not having better
willpower.

    I started to think that I needed permission to eat. Permission to
touch my last meal. Permission to cause chaos on my plate...and
yet, I still eat. Not for pleasure and not for pain, just because at
the moment these symptoms have abated. They have gone. Gone
somewhere, only to resurface later, if I start having symptoms again.

    So, how do you feel about food? How is it that you view eating?
Is it a test for you as it is for me? Not of willpower, but to do the
right thing. Well, I guess that is the symptom in full now-the right
thing. What do you think that would be?


Vocabulary ABC's

Nutrition and the Mentality of Eating

Some warning signs



   

Keeping My Optimism

     So, to begin, we need to see where we stand. Are we
optimistic or negative? Here is a list of things that are the 
same, but different. One of the first steps toward changing 
your life...is to change your vocabulary, into saying what you intend, stopping the guessing game of figuring out the opposite.

1. Don't Go   __________________________  Stay
2. Don't Forget  ____________________ Please Remember
3. Partly Cloudy______________________Partly Sunny
4. Giving____________________________Receiving
5. Win________________________________Learn
6. Cold________________________________Hot
7. Smile______________________________Frown
8. Morning____________________________Night
9. Fiction___________________________Non Fiction
10. Car_________________________________Bus
11. Dark_____________________________Night Light
 

 

Sure there are other words, but, this is just a beginning of a topic that is close to my heart as a mother. Just start by removing the word don't from your vocabulary. Funny standard one might say, but it is more difficult than you might think.

Do that and other communication venues will show themselves. Others to remove from your vocabulary:

can't won't among others that hold the contraction of n't 

A short test to see if you are optimistic, or negative...

Circle one of the words that is close to how you feel, and next give all of the ones on the left a 0, and the words on the right a 1. Then add up your scores. If you score less than 6, you might want to work on your vocabulary. If it is a 6-9, great job, you are well on your way to being optimistic. If it is a 10-11, fantastic, can you pass on your expertise to someone else who can benefit from an optimistic approach? 

 

Vocabulary ABC's 

Perception of thought  

What if the professionals are right?

     Have you ever asked yourself- "What if the professionals are right?" How about other questions? You might ask what questions, 
but there are some ways to find out if you are right or the professionals. 

    Take for instance the question, "How do I begin acceptance?" This will probably be difficult your entire life. But, if you are ready to begin, "how do I begin" can be a very difficult question. You need to learn from the professionals what are symptoms so you can learn how to recognize them, cope with them, stick them where they belong- In Remission.

    I began my schooling late in life. But I began it anyway, with a question that was eluding me, and that is- "How are they coming to those conclusions?"  I don't need fixing, or so I thought...

    These next two questions are pivotal in treatment and they are, "What is expected of me?" but then again there is another good question coming up behind it, "What should I expect of them?"

    If you are institutionalized, do you have a discharge plan of your own to bring to the treatment teams (where much of the decisions are focused into bringing you back into "normal life". Community reintegration.) "Is it normal or not normal? Better yet- "What is normal?" "What are they looking for?" "How do I prove my stability?"

    But, what I mostly do? I beg. I beg for every privilege they took from me. I want those privileges back, so I beg... 



    

 Vocabulary ABC's In Mental Health Circles

 Coping

 Employment Challenges




 

Making My Illness Work For Me, Not Me Working For My Illness....

     I'm disabled, so what does that mean? 4 out of 5 people are touched by
mental illness to some degree. At least that's what the professionals say. But,
you would think that there would be sympathy and understanding about 
those with a diagnosis. And yet, there is even a hierarchy of those who 
consider themselves disabled. 

     Consider the savant, they are cherished with the means and understanding
of lists, without paper..but, currency is not their specialty. There is down 
syndrome, where their always smiling faces bringing sunshine to those that
witness it. Then there are those with OCD. They seem harmless right? But, 
even mental illness has status levels. It would be bipolar over schizophrenic, 
and schizophrenic over multiple personalities. Then there is the brain damaged
compared to those with uncontrollable epilepsy...If I have forgotten other  
diagnoses, please forgive me.

     What I am trying to say, I guess, is that these diagnoses follow you wherever
you go. You cannot escape it and it is not curable. But, there are avenues
that you can follow, to go back to the working classes and succeed. Like, 
the savant, can work in a warehouse, the down syndrome can work in 
customer service...there are opportunities available if you just find the right
connection. 


Vocabulary ABC's of the Mentally Ill....

Becoming Employed

Personality Disruption

What if you knew something, something that feels like
a memory? But this memory is something of an anomaly. 
It is this something, because, it seems surreal. Not de ja vu 
like, but a hint, a suggestive thought. Well, this happens a 
lot to those that are mentally ill. 

Then it nags you. And nags you, until you recognize it.
When you recognize it, it nags you again and again. All
until you try to get others to recognize it too. Then, like
a feeling quite like tourettes, it purports you to share it.

What I want to ask the experts, is this:

How do I know what I have been, 
     when this life is all that I know?

Memories sometimes need jogging. A hint, a suggestion,
sometimes something implied. So, are you going to tell
me that my memory is wrong? I say this, because it is 
my memory, not yours and not others who have this same
problem.

I have been asked if I remember past lives. Really? It is
something that I can't prove, so why would that be a 
question? I have been asked how old I am. Again, really?

How do I convey to you why I feel like I have lived before?
If I was bhuddist it wouldn't be a problem, because that is
the culture of those peoples. But because I am a devout
Catholic, I am not supposed to have those feelings? It is
not part of my culture, so it doesn't fit? Again, how do I 
know what I have been, when this life is all that I know?

My life, my memories. I am lucky you found me. 

Vocabulary ABC's

Side-Effects

US Surgeon General on Mental Health