HELP I AM GAINING WEIGHT !

Help, I am gaining weight, and gaining it fast. It doesn't want to 
stop. What can I do? What would you do? I don't want to be fat.
Before they made me take medicine, my weight was normal, now
it is not! Now, I am fat!

Unfortunately, this happens a lot with psychotropic medicines. It 
works on the symptoms, but changes your metabolism button 
inside of your brain. There are different ways to go about getting
your weight under control.

Those would be, a diet change. If you are drinking soda all day, 
let's say, then a logical change would be to limit your soda intake.
If you eat out a lot, you might want to try cooking at home for a
while. If you drink alcohol, you might want to stop, or limit that
too. But, before you start any diet, you should talk to your doctor.

Sometimes, you try all of that and you still cannot get your weight
under control. Your doctor finally tells you that you have a weight
problem and that you should work on losing weight. But, 
sometimes, the only thing you can do is change prescriptions. If 
one prescription seems to be causing the out of control weight gain, then it is time to talk to your psychiatrist about trying a different 
medicine from the same group as the one that you are currently
taking. In my Vocabulary ABC's there are lists of medicines (and
their side effects), so you can get an idea of your options. 

Of course, you should always keep taking your medicine until
things are finalized in treatment. I know and understand the feeling
of frustration when the medicine has a weight gain side effect and
you just want to stop right away and get your figure back. But, let
me explain why the doctors and nurses want you to continue
taking your medicine until the doctor tells you that you can stop.
It could be deadly. You don't know how your body will react. When
I say body, I am talking on the cellular level.

You have white blood cells, red blood cells, neurons, dendrites, 
and these are just the tip of the iceberg. There is a fine chemical
balance within the vicinity of every cell. There are potassium, 
sodium and chloride chemicals that have been adjusted through
the use of medicine to help your brain's system work more
efficiently. But, if you stop a medicine, you may disrupt this fine
balance and could possibly get sick or worse. So, please, if you
want to lose weight, talk to your doctors first.


 






 

Finished Consruction of Vocabulary A B C's in Mental Health Circles

Thank you to my readers for being patient while
my popular blog post:

 Vocabulary ABC's in Mental Health Circles 

was under reconstruction. It took longer
than was expected, so I thank you for that.

There are a few new terms added to the post, one being
management with fun activity suggestions. Another is
school, which tries to explain the challenges of attending
college with a mental illness. There are also more terms
redefined to keep up to date on what that word means to 
someone who is mentally ill and/or family who cares about
two things, and that is: treatment and transparency. 

There is one post that stands out for me, and that is the 
term- "habits" where I found a site that explains why it is 
so difficult for the mentally ill to quit smoking. I, myself, 
have quit smoking now for a little over a year. It was 
difficult, but with the help of my psychiatrist, I have been
smoke free. I am not out of the woods yet. I have been 
known to return to smoking, even after two years of 
abstinence. The important thing about quitting, for me,
is that I did it by choice, not an ultimatum.

It helps to have support from family and friends, but in the
beginning, if they smoke in front of you, it is hard to say no.
I used a different walking path to my apartment, avoiding the
smoking section. I distanced myself with acquaintances that
smoked and were edgy. I did this cold-turkey...without any
patch or vape or such. I did have the patch for four days, but
after it not really doing anything, I stopped the patch and 
have been smoke free ever since.

One of the advice suggestions that was told to me is, "Just don't
have that first one." And, you know what? It makes sense and
has helped me in difficult instances. Of course, the price of a 
pack of cigarettes is now around ten dollars a pack, in one year,
that would be $3,650.00 spent just on cigarettes alone. So the
increase in price has helped me while thinking in terms of 
years and not months. Finally, it is getting more socially 
unacceptable almost everywhere I go. Schools, parks, towns, even 
states are considering outlawing smoking of any kind. 
Personally, I think it is working...but...

But, to the mentally ill, it is not a habit, but required to calm
the voices. It is socially acceptable between peers. It used to
be used to calm down and help the transition process of entering
into an institute. The mentally ill use it more as coping skills, 
and not out of addiction. We have been known to have a great
willpower, but when there are voices that only shut up when 
you smoke, you are going to smoke. It cannot be an ultimatum.
The person must want to stop. I will tell you now, that the process
of quitting took me about one year to get there. It didn't happen
overnight.

 

How I Overcame the Silence

You may be wondering, why I would have to overcome
silence. Well, when it is really quiet, you hear things from
inside you. For me, it was ringing in my ears. I just thought
that I would suffer eternally, without any relief.

But, I was wrong, in a way. As I got older, the night time silence
has gone missing. There are radios, car engines, sirens, and more; that keep me from silence. Growing older only made me numb
to the ringing.

I still have the ringing in my ears, but without the silence, it is
hardly noticeable.  So, if you suffer from silence, don't worry,
it goes away. Yet, I still long for peaceful quietness. I want to 
hear the wings of a butterfly as it passes me by.

Vocabulary ABC's in Mental Health Circles 
 

How I Managed To Go To The University for FREE

I have to start somewhere, so I will start with my high-school demise. I was either going to 
flunk out of 11th grade, or graduate a year and a half early- if I passed the GED. So, at 17, I 
found myself with a GED and a low-class job of being a cashier for a fast food place, making 
$4.25 an hour. It sucked to be me. A year later, I found a high-school diploma waiting for me
in the mailbox. But, diplomas don't have the power anymore, a college degree has taken the
place of it when employers are looking for employees. 

I decided to attend a private college when I was 21 years old. It just happened to be my 

grandmother's alma mater (and this tidbit wasn't known to me until a couple of decades went

by and my grandmother fessed up). I don't know why she kept it from me. I was staying with

her at the time of attending and I always showed her my report card. Why? I don't know, I 

think I wanted to prove that if I got good grades in school, she would change her mind

about me having a mental illness and would have to admit that she was wrong. I only got halfway 

to an associate's in accounting, but had also taken out student loans. A small amount...but then...

At some point in my early college life, my grandmother had me conserved. She refused to pay

my student loan from my social security benefits (she was my payee at the time) therefore, 
I defaulted and the amount that I owed had ballooned to almost triple

of what the original loan was for. After 25 years, and many payments later, I finally paid it off.

I had still owed over the original loan amount when I was finally able to pay it off. Why is this

important? Because, as long as you have outstanding loans, it is said that you are still indebted

to the school you attended because the tuition payments still need payment and as long as you

still owe the school, they withhold your degree until final payment. Also, as long as there are

outstanding loans, you are ineligible for student grants. I will avoid loan forgiveness, because

it is only for the few and the privileged.

Next, I went to night school at the local high-school. I took ASL classes, better known as American Sign Language. It fascinates me. I took two semesters of it. Next, there was ROP, or Regional Occupational Program, that I went to a year later for the field of Cosmetology. In a year and a 

half later, with an A average, I became a cosmetologist in 1998. So, I'm set right? NOPE. Within 
six months of graduating, being an independent contractor, I came down with carpal tunnel. Now what? I flitted from job to job for a while. Never taking the advice from my family to tamp down
my ambition and just live within the Social Security system. I had other ideas.

My next education was as an apprentice. I was a mechanic, working with my hands in a different
way than cosmetology. I was an electrician in training. My employer enrolled me in the local
community college, and five years later, I have a college certificate explaining that I am now
an Electro-Mechanic Tradesman Journeyman Lineman. It was a tough task, to work full-time, 
through mandatory overtime, and school. There were rules and policies that had to be followed.
It was the local trolley transit company. After I completed that training, my employer asked
me to step down, due to the fact that I did not disclose that I was disabled. But, I could still
keep my certificate.

Soon after that, my mother died and I found myself homeless for a year. For that year, I was 
on State Disability Income (SDI) that my employer paid for. I was experienced, but was out of work
for the most part because my employer was the only transit of its kind in my county. I felt like
I was blacklisted. That is when your previous employer tells bad things to other potential 
employers. But, while I was homeless and looking for work, I was also paying off my debt
through the SDI. It took me two years, but, I was finally debt free. 

Now, I can focus again on school. I didn't know that the grant money would cover tuition.
I was ready to pay. I went to the local community college for five years for a two year 
Associate's degree in psychology. What the grant overpaid, I banked it for tuition later.

Self-esteem v. Self-compassion v. Self-worth v. Self-confidence

I am told that self-esteem is when you compete yourself with others, and that self-compassion is when you compete with yourself. Where does this tie into? Emotional Intelligence.

Yeah, here we are again talking about Emotional Intelligence. I keep bringing it up, because to me it is like the big reveal of the fMRI in the field of psychiatry. This is HUGE. It has the potential to change lives.

Why would I harp on changing lives? Because one in five of us has a mental illness and at least two out of those five have either committed suicide or have considered it. (I'm guessing about the two out of five, but that is my point.) It might be higher.

What if we should look into all four? Self-esteem, self-compassion, self-worth, and self-confidence.

Sometimes, self-esteem makes us too self-confident, but self-worth grows and grows with time. 

Self-compassion is described by the Dalai Lama as, "A sensitivity to the suffering of self and others, with a deep commitment to try to relieve it (to relieve the suffering)."  

So, that is all four...where would this lead to? A deep curiosity in the field of Emotional Intelligence. And I wonder, how many emotions there really are. 

Vocabulary ABC's in Mental Health Circles

Is there really such a thing as the field of Emotional Intelligence? Hmmm...I think there should be. 

I Have Shed My Vices that were My Alternative Method of Self-Medicating

Well, well, well...all that I can say about this is well, well, well...

It has taken me a long time to finally have the right medicine working for me, so that I could wean myself off of cigarettes, gambling, and, well, for those that know me, know I rarely drink.

There is a surprise when you shed these vices. I only recommend it if you have a physician helping you. But, I notice that my pockets are heavier, my breathing better, and my mind clearer. If I backslide, which I did buying scratchers (a lottery ticket), my pockets become light. So far I have stayed smoke free for almost eleven months now. That is not easy, since people smoke around me daily. But, things are changing here in California.

What I mean is that there is a new way of treating smokers here. Simply, they have banned it from entire cities, universities, restaurants, bars, and public parks. Slowly, California is becoming smoke-free. Yay, that helps me stay quit. 

What has me concerned is my gambling. I have gone without before, but that was after buying one lottery ticket (one dollar), once a week. Now, they have scratchers, as low as one dollar or as much as 30 dollars. I usually get a $3 or $5 ticket and end up with a few of those before I quit buying them. Only lucky some of the time, but usually I get a losing ticket.

What I found, was that, (and here in California), that a pack of cigarettes now cost, on average, ten dollars a pack. The usual smoker smokes a pack a day. In one year, that is 3,650 dollars (roughly). In one year! Disability only pays 12,000 dollars a year. That is 1/3 to 1/4 of your yearly income. What would you do with that amount of money, if you had it in one sum? You could go to school, you could buy a car, you can go to public events, etc. etc.

Not to mention, time. If you think about it, a cigarette takes about 7-10 minutes to smoke. If you don't smoke anymore, you now have about an hour and a half extra time on your hands. 

I highly recommend stopping the cigarettes, over all else, because it relieves restless legs from the side-effects that come with medicine. Physicians prescribe side-effect medicine, when in fact, if the client quit smoking it would be easier to tolerate and live with the side-effects, because....guess what?  

They go away! Behavior improves! The better you can manage your treatment!

But, you can't force people to quit, only encourage them to...
Also, if you motivate them, they may be more likely to try..  

Vocabulary ABC's (what you might need to know about mental illness that no one's told before) a useful link to webpages that explain in more detail, what a topic means to the mentally ill.







  

Mental Illness is Selfish

Mental Illness can be selfish. I know that my mental illness is 
selfish. It wants my attention when I am awake, when I am asleep,
when I am at work, when I am at family gatherings...well, you get the
picture.

It lures you. It promises you big rewards. It is a promise of coming home to the real reality you belong to and your suffering is finally over. It tells you that you have a fortune that is being kept from you. You start to believe that just one more step, and everyone will smile at you and collectively say "surprise!" Then all of your worries are gone and finally you will be at peace.

It can make you stay up for days, promising that what revelations you are having, the epiphanies, promising that the ideas that form in your mind are of your own, you invented them. and the residuals and income that come from them have been stolen from you. You think that these ideas were yours to begin with (uniquely your own), but someone, or some people stole your ideas and took the credit for them, leaving you out and lost.

You believe that your family, (all of your relatives are in on it), that your family kidnapped you and treat you like cinderella's step-mother because they know you don't remember things and need little reminders along the way to jog your memory of another time. That you were kidnapped and enslaved, while others take up your identity and reap all of the rewards, making you do all the work while "they" (the imposters) are pampered and constantly stealing your reminders of who you are and where you have come from. 

Anyway, mental illness is selfish. It requires so much energy that when it goes away you sleep it off, sometimes for days. This sleep is much needed and a good nights sleep of 10 hours helps to rejuvenate you, preparing you to debrief yourself, gaining self-awareness back. It can sometimes, be real slow and takes many 10-12 hours of sleep to snap out of it. So, sleep it off and prepare for the next episode. You got this.

Vocabulary ABCs (as seen from a patient's perspective) in Mental Health Circles. (a treasure of links providing you more information on what mental illness is like).

How Different We are...here EAST meets WEST in mental health practices.

My Crying Years Have Ended

How many of us are so depressed, we can't keep things from getting to us. What if you are so depressed you cry all of your make-up off.  What if this happens every day. What if those meant to protect you are actually against you, but you are so depressed you can't see.

This has the potential to create stress and strain.... role strain....status stress....your role as a sister, daughter, cousin....your status as a student, a counselor, employee....

Your brother wants you to take it easy....your family wants you put away for life....your friends try to encourage you to be ambitious....you need to build a good support team and then help them make magic....

Surround yourself with those that don't make you cry....give your true support team time to come through for you....you are capable of becoming self-reliant, but it takes time....you need to be patient and stubborn and resilient....it takes more than days, weeks or months....a good support system takes years to establish; but, oh when they finally come through, your crying years and suffering will have ended....

Vocabulary ABC's in Mental Health (a linkage bank of differing sites explaining mental illness and what that life looks like)

New York Times has a view of East meets West in mental illness



  

WHY?

     Well, I am going to fumble around this issue. You might be asking, "When you are 'supposed to be' stable enough to live by yourself, make your own decisions, and coming and going as you please..."
     A big factor in staying autonomous, is how well do you know yourself. How well do you know how to recognize when those around you are embarassed, drawing unwanted attention to you in public about taking medicine, or using you? You may find that someone close to you might say one thing to you that encourages you, but then turns around and belittles you to your back. Why would they do that?                         
      Why would they dismantle all of your efforts to become independent? This is true. This is real. This happens to a lot of us. Just when we are about to become self-reliant, our family locks us up and takes everything from us, making us start all over again and again and again and again. It was horrible for me. I would sometimes try to save for two years...when faced with starting all over again. (I had saved a thousand dollars to put towards a small apartment. But my grandmother had me locked up and she took it from me giving it to my uncle so he could make his child support payment. I never got it back) I met this scenario with depression. I felt like I had no control. And you know what? I didn't, my family controlled me, my lifestyle, and my choices.
     Choices. Let's talk choices for a moment. I could have qualified for government assistance, but I never knew this option. One day, my mother told me, "I'm going to follow **** to a city...you can either stay in this state (where I know you have no options and no one to turn to) or come with me (to said state), or go live with your grandma. Those were the only choices that I knew I had. So, I chose grandma. I didnt know that she was living in as a health aide...I was there alone. Six months later I moved out. That was the last time I was allowed to be independent. Two years later I was 5150'd and the rest is history. 
     Privacy. Let's talk privacy. I had none. My family was always up in my business. Opening my mail, stealing my journals. Deciding life decisions for me, when I am capable of making my own. Taking me to court and not telling me what I was charged with.
     The Law. Let's talk about law. I thought I had rights and safety in keeping those rights. Nope. Once you are declared disabled, you lose everything, even the right to vote and yes, that right to privacy...but the worst thing is that if the court decides you are disabled, you are no longer able to fire anyone connected to your "treatment". You can no longer decide where you live, which doctor to see, what treatment, what choices you thought you had a right to. All of a sudden, you are stripped of everything. And your life is forever changed. So, if you are considering committing someone you know, family, friend, who ever, consider what that person will never be allowed to do again. And then think some more.

ABC's in Mental Heatlh (a linkage bank of differing sites explaining mental illness and what that life looks like)
    

If You Only Had One Treatment For Your Mental Illness......

If you only had one treatment for your mental illness what do you think that would be? What would it consist of? Would it be something that you have to do every day? Two/Three times a day? Every week? Every month?

Is it repetitive? Or does it change every time you use it? Is it for the short term or long term? Is it something that you do alone, or is it something that happens in a group? Is it in a class? Or, is it something that you must do on your own?

I have a suggestion...if I only had one thing that I could do for my treatment, it would be practicing Emotional Intelligence. I would immerse myself within the vocabulary of as many emotions that I can find. Learn their definitions. Learn if the emotion is positive or negative. 

Learn whether they are a core emotion, a primary emotion, a secondary emotion, or a tertiary emotion. I would learn how to identify, more accurately, the emotions that I am feeling- either myself or others. 

I would learn how to parry negative emotions thrown my way, changing them to positive emotions where they neutralize the negativity, keeping me free from emotional abuse. 

I must help myself, before I help others, but if practicing the definitions with a buddy helps, well, yes do that.

Good luck, and remember, stability and understanding take time.

Vocabulary ABC's  (where there are links to an enormous amount of inspirations in understanding mental illness)

Having Touble? It Is Not Your Imagination, They Know Exactly What They Are Doing..

What trouble you might ask...this can take a while, do you have a moment?

So much has happened since HIPPA (1995) was voted in providing privacy to the individual's mental health treatments, keeping personal information strictly with the client, avoiding outside bias.

 When I became labeled as mentally ill, it was before HIPPA. I was 21 when I was condemned to the mental health system. It was back in 1990, and I still have issues about my privacy and my treatment.

You see, back then, all it took was two individuals to say someone was crazy, and blam you are condemned. I used to try to become independent, and just before I could rid myself of family, and make it on my own, my family would lock me up and take all my efforts as if they had done them theirselves. 

When I say efforts, one example would be the first time I was condemned, and I was having my first episode, I had at home saved up 1000 dollars (remember 1990), when my wage was only 6.50hr. Of course, I needed a little help with depression, but my family waged war on me and has ever since.

My grandmother gave that 1000 dollars to my uncle. She never paid me back, and she never told my uncle where she got the funds to help him pay child support. It was cash 50's and 100's. Why would she do that? She had to know that that was my independence fund. She did it on purpose (is all I can think), to keep me dependent on family, all the while belittling me about my dependence.

Of course she would visit and bring me things, but all I could think of was oppression and starting all over again and how long it took me in the first place, leaving me despondent. My family blackmailed me through treatment. It was, "Either apologize or you stay there." Apologize for an argument that prompted them to 5150 me. So, of course I went in thinking that the doctor was getting my information from my family for treatment, without me and my part of it. And that used to be true.

My family always told me to give up working and just sit back and be alive. I say NO. You don't wrap me up to wait for whatever isn't going to happen. That's the trouble part.

What ever I have done, is purely me. I did it. I did it inspite of family foundations and support. They used me. My family used me and abused me. That is why I am glad that there is HIPPA now. My family cannot freely talk to the psychiatrist or be involved in my treatment without first being given my permission. This removes familial bias and puts my treatment strictly into my own hands.

Vocabulary ABC's (where I provide links for your curiosity) 

Happy Reading and Happy New Year