What ECT Did For Me

Yes, I have had ECT. This is a bit wonky for me because at first I was afraid. Afraid that it would hurt. Afraid that I would be exploited for research purposes. Afraid that I would be judged if anyone found out. 

But it wasn't so. It actually helped me. But for the first time that I had it, the doctors and employees of the hospital kept it from me. I only remembered it after a while. It wipes your memory. It takes away the voices. I finally knew what my own voice sounded like. I had silence within silence. It also took away my nervous tick in my left eye. 

People would make my nervous tick come out more. They would wink at me before I could bring about eye-contact. It was bad. It was annoying. It was exploited by those that wanted me to keep it. I finally overlooked the winks and the eye-rubs. It was empowering that I did not have this annoyance anymore. I was finally free from something that I had been a victim of. It is still gone. And I am happy. 

Later on, when in the hospital, I was asked if I wanted it, and I agreed. They hooked me up to various machines and then put me under before they used it on me. It was painless and a God send. I would highly recommend it, actually. 

So, don't be afraid. Don't be scared. It can actually help you. But you don't need it a lot. For me it was only one at a time. Others get a slew of them. They get it one right after another. I think that that is too much. But one or two is good. You might be pleasantly surprised on how good it works. 

Vocabulary ABC's 

I Have Strengthened My Boundaries

 I have strengthened my boundaries by the way of education. Education has helped me in many ways. It keeps me focused and on topic. It allows me better jobs with better pay. I have made many acquaintances and a few friends, through the way of study. They were tutors, they were co-workers, and eventually my family came around as well.

I have learned and am still learning emotional intelligence. I agree with the experts that the better you are at emotional intelligence "trumps" IQ. It has been such a benefit, that I am able to recognize when I am being emotionally abused. 

My mother used to emotionally abuse me. My father "physically" abused me. I found that the greater pain came from emotional abuse. Not to say that my father is a saint, but the pain from emotional abuse doesn't leave any visible bruising. But has the capacity to leave lasting nightmares. They can be day nightmares or night nightmares, but the abuse follows you until you strengthen your boundaries.

Some may brush it off and say that it sounds more like maturity, but it is not. Emotional abuse can keep you from maturing and strengthening your boundaries. I have love/hate memories where I don't know whether to yell at the top of my lungs, "GET OUT!" or to whisper, "I'm glad I still remember your loving ways". That is something to talk about in depth maybe in a later article. That something is that you cannot set boundaries with, someone who has died and left unexpectedly. The only way to try, is try to imagine setting those boundaries, but that could just create memories to come to the top when you have tried to bury it real deep. 

And well, no wonder I wish she were alive. It is not to see her, but to set those boundaries that I should have had when she was alive putting her in her place in my life where I want to place her not where she wants to be.

So, that is the missing puzzle piece to a giant puzzle of where, what, when, how could I use boundaries now than those that I should have used then. I wish she were alive to see me now. 

I have grown and established boundaries that she would have a hard time accepting. She would probably use the silent treatment where she just didn't discuss anything. But that never made it go away. Not only would she give the silent treatment, but she would withdraw her love until I kowtowed. I was weak. I was dependent. I was isolated. I was even left out of family gatherings, being forced to be around my younger cousins and sitting at the kiddy table. Left out of adult conversation and bonding.

So, a little difficult to stay on topic, but I was able to bring it around back to boundaries a couple of times. It is getting better with time and I have high hopes that even going for my master's now will give me better ideas on how to lean towards, "I'm glad I still remember your loving ways" instead of "GET OUT!" (bully)

Please remember my side bar and my page Vocabulary ABC's. They are a great encyclopedic way to tackle mental health stigma. 

A Step by Step Approach to Breaking Down Stress, by guest author Sean Morris

 

Breaking Down Stress: A Step-by-Step Approach to Managing Life's Challenges

While stress is constant, grasping its nature and mastering management techniques can significantly improve the quality of life. This guide offers actionable insights into pinpointing stress triggers, deploying effective coping strategies, and cultivating a nurturing support system. By dissecting complex tasks, establishing clear boundaries, and indulging in personal passions, you can pave the way for a balanced and richly rewarding life. Check it with Auntie Steph shares more insights:

Unveiling the Roots of Stress

Recognizing the root causes of stress is pivotal. Everyday stressors include job insecurity, relationship dynamics, financial pressures, and health concerns. Critically assessing these factors is essential to determining which triggers your stress responses. This awareness is the first step toward managing stress effectively. Once identified, these causes can be addressed or reframed into a more manageable and less threatening context.

Harness Your Control

Focus on elements of your life that are within your control, and release concerns over those that are not. This mindset shift is vital in reducing feelings of helplessness and anxiety. Concentrating on actionable aspects of your life, such as your reaction to stressors or your daily routine, creates a sense of personal efficacy and resilience. This approach alleviates stress and empowers you to make meaningful changes.

Consider a Career Shift

If your job is the primary culprit behind your stress, a career change might be the relief you need for improved mental health and well-being. Online degree programs offer the flexibility to pursue further education without sacrificing your current job or family time (take a look at this). By enrolling in a family nurse practitioner master's degree program, you can immerse yourself in a hands-on role in healthcare, diagnosing and treating patients, which can lead to both a rewarding career and personal fulfillment. And last but not least, a nursing degree helps ensure that you’ll have a life-long career in the healthcare industry.

Building Your Support System

Surround yourself with a robust network of friends, family, and support groups to anchor you during turbulent times. Opening up about your stressors with trusted individuals alleviates emotional pressure and brings fresh perspectives to your challenges. This vital emotional support reassures you during difficulties and strengthens your capacity to manage stress effectively, enhancing your resilience.

Simplify Task Management

To tackle daunting tasks effectively, break them into smaller, more manageable segments. This strategy clears your mind by setting clear, achievable objectives and helps you discern which tasks require immediate attention and which can be deferred. As you prioritize and conquer each step, you’ll notice an increase in your time management skills and a decrease in stress, giving you greater control over your workload.

Setting Boundaries

Mastering the art of setting boundaries and comfortably saying no is essential for avoiding the pitfalls of overcommitment and the stress accompanying it. Recognizing and communicating your limits ensures you don’t take on more than you can manage, safeguarding your mental and physical well-being. This strategic approach also enhances how you allocate your time and resources, optimizing your overall effectiveness and reducing the risk of burnout.

Recharge with Hobbies

Delving into hobbies that resonate with your passions, like reading, gardening, or painting, can be a powerful antidote to stress. These activities pull you away from the monotony of daily routines, offering a therapeutic escape that rejuvenates your spirit. As you engage in these pursuits, you find relaxation and joy and foster creativity and mental agility, enhancing your overall satisfaction with life. Each moment spent in the pleasure of your hobbies builds a buffer against the pressures of everyday life, fortifying your emotional resilience.

Managing life's stressors involves a combination of self-awareness, proactive management strategies, and personal support systems. By identifying what causes stress, controlling what you can, and nurturing relationships and personal interests, you equip yourself with the tools to navigate life’s challenges more effectively. Remember, the goal is not to eliminate stress but to manage it to allow you to live a healthier, more balanced life.

My Vocabulary ABC's

 

I Have Strengthened My Boundaries

 I have strengthened my boundaries by the way of education. Education has helped me in many ways. It keeps me focused and on topic. It allows me better jobs with better pay. I have made many acquaintances and a few friends, through the way of study. They were tutors, they were co-workers, and eventually my family came around as well.

I have learned and am still learning emotional intelligence. I agree with the experts that the better you are at emotional intelligence "trumps" IQ. It has been such a benefit, that I am able to recognize when I am being emotionally abused. 

My mother used to emotionally abuse me. My father "physically" abused me. I found that the greater pain came from emotional abuse. Not to say that my father is a saint, but the pain from emotional abuse doesn't leave any visible bruising. But has the capacity to leave lasting nightmares. They can be day nightmares or night nightmares, but the abuse follows you until you strengthen your boundaries.

Some may brush it off and say that it sounds more like maturity, but it is not. Emotional abuse can keep you from maturing and strengthening your boundaries. I have love/hate memories where I don't know whether to yell at the top of my lungs, "GET OUT!" or to whisper, "I'm glad I still remember your loving ways". That is something to talk about in depth maybe in a later article. That something is that you cannot set boundaries with, someone who has died and left unexpectedly. The only way to try, is try to imagine setting those boundaries, but that could just create memories to come to the top when you have tried to bury it real deep. 

And well, no wonder I wish she were alive. It is not to see her, but to set those boundaries that I should have had when she was alive putting her in her place in my life where I want to place her not where she wants to be.

So, that is the missing puzzle piece to a giant puzzle of where, what, when, how could I use boundaries now than those that I should have used then. I wish she were alive to see me now. 

I have grown and established boundaries that she would have a hard time accepting. She would probably use the silent treatment where she just didn't discuss anything. But that never made it go away. Not only would she give the silent treatment, but she would withdraw her love until I kowtowed. I was weak. I was dependent. I was isolated. I was even left out of family gatherings, being forced to be around my younger cousins and sitting at the kiddy table. Left out of adult conversation and bonding.

So, a little difficult to stay on topic, but I was able to bring it around back to boundaries a couple of times. It is getting better with time and I have high hopes that even going for my master's now will give me better ideas on how to lean towards, "I'm glad I still remember your loving ways" instead of "GET OUT!" (bully)

Please remember my side bar and my page Vocabulary ABC's. They are a great encyclopedic way to tackle mental health stigma.   

 

How I Overcame the Stigma

Well, to be honest, I didn't. What happened was the education on mental health changed and it became closer to normal than anything. The things that people are scared of is the unpredictability of mental illness. I am sure that those that have been educated have become more understanding. 

But, there are those steeped in ablism that they see nothing but a diagnosis. I have had people in my life who were more understanding than that of my own family. You see, I am at least a third generation mental health "client". My grandfather was diagnosed with bipolar 1 and my uncle was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Both on my mother's side. What caught me unawares was that I was told as a youngster that it only hit the men in the family. So, when they told me I was mentally ill, I was like, "No Way!". This didn't do me any good at the time though.

It took years and laws enacted to give dignity to the mentally ill. There is a lot out there that criminalizes it, that can be frustrating and embarrassing, so you try to hide it.

Well, the more I tried to hide it, the more discriminatory my family became. My mom would out me in public if she thought I was getting too much attention. My grandmother, I think, was my first conservator. 

With HIPAA there are still loopholes. The main contributor of the diagnosis of the mentally ill "client" is now based off of what they call "collateral". This now endangers the mentally ill more because now, it only takes one. Before this, it would take at least two people to have concerns over someone who "might be" mentally ill. 

The loopholes include- Public health (such as reporting to a state health department or the CDC) Medical research. Workers compensation. Legal proceedings and law enforcement purposes.  

Seems to me that that "collateral" just got bigger. 

Don't get me wrong, there are now laws in place that can make your "collateral" ineligible to have a say in your treatment. They may have put you in the hospital, but you have the decision of who you allow to be a part of that treatment. To the fullest extent of the law, but when you are on conservatorship, that extent only reaches so far. 

Yet, things are way different now than they were 35 years ago. The harder I would try to separate myself from my "collateral" the more the grip would tighten. So far, that hasn't happened to me in over 15 years. I have been in remission and also not a focus of my living family. You see, that's when I lost my mother. She had me arrested when I would become closer to sanity. They would keep me for three days and not see anything, then they would keep me for two more weeks, nothing. So they would be forced to let me go. This happened so frequently that when it stopped I was stymied. I was like, "wow". I'm not getting 5150'd anymore. And now I am stable and living a close to normal life. I wouldn't change my circumstances though. I live in a one room flat and share two bathrooms and a kitchen. But to me, it is a part of heaven that broke off just for me. 

Please check my Vocabulary ABC's for one-click information. There are also the side bar one-clicks that can also enlighten a resource that you might not have thought you may need. 

How I Overcame Poverty

Everyone knows that being on Social Security is a poverty issue. It hardly gives you anything and when you are on it, people expect you to stay on it. You can try to get a job, but when you let anyone know that you are disabled and getting Social Security, your co-workers tend to sabotage your work, making you forced to quit.                                                                                                                But there are other ways you can go about supplementing your income. One way, is to enter into research. There are many research pathways and they give you a little money to pad your pocket. They are usually over one year and they come out to you or you go to them (your choice) about every six months. They pay you on the spot and it is cash. Usually around 50 dollars. I know that doesn't sound like much, but to someone on Social Security, it can be a windfall.

Then there is college. If you go to community college, there are grants you can get that will cover your tuition and books and sometimes, the amount is over what needs to be paid and that amount goes into your pocket. You must take at least two classes a semester. I took three. Then I did the degree for transfer. That brought me to the University. It was a state University so I was also eligible for a second grant specifically made for state University students. This is how I got my bachelor's degree for free. There was no extra money for my pocket at that time, but the education was priceless. 

After my bachelor's I got a promotion at work. I had gone through the ticket to work program at Social Security. It allowed me to work and go to school. Both were part-time. Then when I graduated, I went to full-time at work. That put more money into my pocket. With the ticket to work program, I was able to keep my Social Security for a while. Maybe two years, before they dropped me. I still get my Medicare though. 

Last, I was accepted into the PASS Program at Social Security. That is where you seek extra help to become self-sufficient. There would be big payouts to help off-set the cost of living. I even got help with buying a car instead of taking the public transit to work. This allowed me to be more flexible at work. 

The biggest part of this would be when I got out of debt. I was an apprentice at the San Diego Trolley. It was for five years. When I left, not of my choosing. I got sabotaged. I found that I was in 60,000 dollars of debt. I managed to pay it off in two years. The last debt that I had was a student loan that I thought I would never rid myself of. Then, I got a surprise backpay from Social Security. I paid it off and then found myself re-eligible for college grants. So, I took full advantage of that. Now, I just got accepted into a master's program at a state University. I also found that there is a state grant for that too. So, I am excited. I will see where this will take me next. 

Please check out my Vocabulary ABC's

 DeLellis And Associates

DeLELLIS AND ASSOCIATES Your attorneys for Social Security Disability and Workers Compensation Claims P.O. Box 7458 San Diego, CA 92167

619-206-3603

How I Overcame Losing My Psychiatrist

 I would like to let you know how I overcame losing my psychiatrist. I was with a company named Center Star Act. They had me in their program because the jail where I was in isolation for four months on a really bad accident, didn't want to let me go back to being homeless. Well, what happened was I ended up losing my psychiatrist. 

I was seeing their psychiatrist and then all of a sudden, he left. He left and they had no replacement. I would go from hospital to home to hospital to home. Every time I would be in the hospital, the doctors there would stabilize me and then I would be released back home. When at home I would go into the office of Center Star Act and they would have a temporary psychiatrist whom would cut all of my dosages in half. This continued for quite a while. Or so it seemed. 

I ended up going to a long term care hospital and found myself on permanent conservatorship. Center Star Act wanted me to go to a board and care. I have never needed a board and care and this showed me how much they didn't care about me, I was only a number.

When you are on conservatorship, you cannot fire anyone in your treatment. So, what I did was convince them to fire themselves. I wrote a letter. This letter was copied five times. One went to my file at the hospital. One went to my treatment team at the hospital. One went to my doctor at the hospital. And I kept the original. And one went to Center Star Act. 

In this letter, I explained that they were bad for my mental health. It took them coming to the hospital three to four times, trying to convince me to change my mind. I stood fast and explained what they had done to my mental health. They were giving up on me. They, basically, were bad for my health and I wrote this so. 

In the end, they recused themselves. I got a county case manager and was allowed to forgo a board and care and was released back to the Independent Living Home that I had left because of promises from Center Star Act that I would be better off in a house where it felt dangerous to be. This danger did not help my mental health either, but that is another story. 

So, in the end, I was only in the hospital a short while, compared to others and I was able to be a participant in my treatment instead of being treated like I didn't know what mental illness really is. And that is another story too. I got to go back to the ILF where school was close by and I went back to school. School is another story too. In the end, I found a psychiatrist that was not temporary and I came out of that crisis in a better place. 

Sometimes, you have to take the bull by the horns in order to get anything done. I feel like I did that and now I am better off because of that. 

Vocabulary ABC's

 DeLellis And Associates

DeLELLIS AND ASSOCIATES Your attorneys for Social Security Disability and Workers Compensation Claims P.O. Box 7458 San Diego, CA 92167

619-206-3603

Happy Reading!

Just to Let You Know

   Just to let you know, I have updated the affordable housing link to San Diego Housing Commission. It has been updated since January 2024.                                                                                                                I have also added a follow button. This is something new and I don't know exactly how it works, but we will see.                                                                                                          To stay up to date with my links, I thought I would continue with the link to 

DeLellis and Associates a Social Security Law Firm that specializes in helping others achieve approval of their Social Security applications, when everyone else will tell you to just sit back and wait for your denial. 

Also, there is my Vocabulary ABC's.                                                                                                               

Why is it?

 Why is it that when you apply for Social Security, the first time is almost guaranteed to be denied? I figure that it is because they want you to try to get a job while you wait, making you ineligible for it. But, there are those that really need it and an advocate is not the route to go. You actually need a Social Security lawyer. If you are lucky, you find one that is really good and they can tell if they have a case before they accept you as a client. The good ones take your case on contingency. But most of them require upfront costs. This can make it difficult to find that lawyer who takes your case on contingency. 

I had successfully gotten off of Social Security through the Ticket To Work program when I started working for the Trolley as a mechanic. It took about three years to get weened off of it, but I made it. And then, well, I lost my job and was homeless for a year before I got picked up again. I went to an advocate to fill out the paperwork and when we were done, he said to me, "Go home and wait for your denial letter". I was devastated.  I knew that I qualified and so when he said this I almost gave up. And that is what Social Security counts on. Your giving up. But then my brother told me to get a lawyer. And when I did, things started to change for me. 

I had found a lawyer through the pennysaver that is now obsolete. I got lucky. The lawyer spent two hours with me going over my information during our consultation. He then told me that he would take my case and that he would charge me 33% of my backpay or $6,000 which ever one is less. Well he got my my Social Security back in about 6 months for SSI and then it took another 2 months to actually get my SSA going again. It was the best 8 months of waiting that I had ever experienced and he kept me informed of the process as we went along. It cost me about $4,300 when all was said and done. He was a good lawyer.

Now, I am off of Social Security again. If I had to go back on it, I know the lawyer to go to. My lawyer is actually retired, but his daughter has taken over his practice. If she is anything like her father she can do the same thing for you. 

It turns out that my daughter needs to use her services now. I am hoping that they can help her. It would be an out of state alliance, but they told me when I called that they do out of state cases. 

DeLellis and Associates 

I put the link to her website because she is a contingency lawyer and her father was the best lawyer I have ever experienced. I don't wish it on you to suffer from Social Security politics, but if you find you need a lawyer please give them a try.

Vocabulary ABC's

Fight the Stigma paper has expired. I apologize. 

There is a program at Social Security called the PASS Program. It is when you want to get off of Social Security and they help you achieve self-sufficiency by providing extra money to help you achieve your independent goals. It is fairly new and not too many people know of it. I have been in the program now for about five years. They helped me get a car, they helped me continue my education. It is considered grant money. It is a great program if you are considering getting off of Social Security. I cannot stress enough the value of this program. Please visit the PASS Program page to find out more.