I'm Scared

I am scared that I won't pass my last class for my Master's degree. I only have one class to go, but it is going to be intense.

It builds on a previous class where I only got a B and my proposal was not approved. So, now, I have to go into this course not knowing if I might get it right this time.

Timing is critical, because we only have 9 weeks to do our Capstone. This involves research. I hate writing research. I have great ideas and good intentions, but when it comes to writing it all out in a paper escapes my writing ability. 

There might be an alternate option, but I don't know if that would be more work or not. This option will be a reflection paper. I do well with those. But doing research papers make my stomach form into knots. 

At least it is not drawn out I guess. It is only 9 weeks of misery and worry. Wish me luck. Thanks.

Check out my Vocabulary ABC's for more on mental health.  

Oh How I LOVE Emotional Intelligence

 I LOVE Emotional Intelligence. I am working on a research proposal and came across an emotional intelligence test on the internet. I started at survey monkey but ended up at jotform.com and I am including the test here. 

Emotional Intelligence basically is learning impulse control. Daniel Goleman wrote a book on it back in 1995 and it went viral. I am reading it now, but not the one from 1995, this one is re-written in 2005 with some improvements. So far, it is a great read. 

In the Encyclopedia of the Human Brain, it states that emotions influence nearly all aspects of cognition, including attention, memory and reasoning. 

Socrates was great at reasoning. In the encyclopedia of Educational Philosophy and Theory, it says that “Socrates was the teacher whose main activity was to liberate his interlocutors from error through strategies which were at times violent and that affected their emotions and who subsequently guided them in the search for the truth”. 

Knowing more emotions helps those that have a high EQ to reason better, therefore allowing them to be more focused and lucid. A higher EQ also helps you from going off on tangents and getting lost in what you were talking about in the first place.

I recommend taking the quiz. I wanted it to be part of a survey, but it will be unique to you. I won't know if you took the survey or not. I won't know your personal information and basically I am providing this link blindly. I don't get any information about anything or any part of that survey. I just think it would be a fun thing to do. 

Read my Vocabulary ABC's and see the vast amount of information out there for mental health.

Stay Strong

 Stay strong. Don't let people push you around just to be the good guy. Even if they have authority. Don't. It can be very challenging to lead with authority when you have a mental disability. Any disability really. Leading can seem like you are bossing people around. 

But, that is not the case. You stand up for yourself. Do it even if you want to just follow to play it safe. People pick up on stuff like that. 

I'm not good at leading. When I was younger, I led with firmness. Then I changed cultures and it was frowned upon to be a firm leader. So, I demured. This was misread from my family. They couldn't understand why I acted the way I did. 

I lived in Hawaii for five years. I assimilated the culture. It is collectivistic. My family is individualistic. Imagine trying to bring the family together when the family keeps you at a distance. They isolate you. You have nothing to contribute and you can only clean and babysit. You become the punching bag. The one that everyone picks on. 

Humble, trust-worthy, genuine, honorable

I have been all of these things, but my family still emotionally abused me. They stopped doing that for the most part. Sometimes, I feel like the family has gone back to its old ways. Lies being told about me to other family members.

So, where is this coming from. I am in a master's program. I stood my ground and refused to be relegated to the end. No one wanted to partner with me. The instructor refuted my activity. And all looked bleak.

But, the next day, the instructor did a similar activity that I had planned. She spoke about emotional intelligence. If you know about me and emotional intelligence, you will find that I highly recommend learning as many emotions as you can.

So, I stood my ground. I'm going next I said. They figured out who would go with me. There is still conflict, but I am proud of myself for staying strong. 

Vocabulary ABC's

My Miracle Medicine

After 35 years of being in the mental health system, I have been given many medicines trying to keep me sane. The first one was Haldol. It was given at too high a dose. I later started taking it again without the side-effects I had at the start. I was given Trazadone and that made me too groggy. All I could do was sleep. I needed a better medicine. One without side-effects.

I was given new medicines as they hit the market and sometimes before they hit the market. This is like Wellbutrin, Clozaril, Geodon, Zyprexa and finally landed on Seroquel. Seroquel is my miracle medicine. It has very low side-effects. 

Many clients don't want to take their medicine because of the side-effects of those medicines. I don't want to take medicine that gives me side-effects. So, I fought. And I fought hard. "I'm not a schizophrenic!" "I don't see anything wrong with me!" "Why don't you just leave me alone. Let me go!" These outbursts are where I was at at 21 years old and in the system. I only got to be an adult for one month before I got locked up. And everyone gets started on Haldol. But if the first medicine was Seroquel, the tides will change and you just might have found the answer to your loved one's resistance.

With Seroquel there just might be less stigma and less denial. Start us with Seroquel. You may be surprised on the results of doing so. 

Vocabulary ABC's

Study and Higher Education Keep Me Grounded

 As you could probably tell from my last post, is that I might be slipping into my illness a little bit. I have gone off topic at least for two paragraphs and needed to make two paragraphs out of one. I will try my hardest to stay grounded and on topic.

My studies in higher education help me focus. It gives me boundaries over wayward thought. It gives me stability when I might have spiraled deep in thought. 

I start school again in January. During the Spring semester I will try to gather my thoughts and get ready for Summer where I will enroll into my last class for my master's degree. I must gather my thoughts because I will need to do research in the summer. 

I have an idea for my focus and I might do a survey on survey monkey. I would love to have you all participate. But for now, this is just in the first stages of thought. Just a glimse into what may come out of my experience. 

So, I thank you for your understanding where I got lost in my last post. It takes a kind and caring soul to come back here again and again even though I get creatively close to the topic but somehow, like Houdini, never make a complete thought. I get elusive. 

Please check out my Vocabulary ABC's and keep a close eye on loved ones. During the holidays some of us get triggered and can spiral quickly. Again, please watch your loved one. Don't talk about them as if they can't hear you or when they are sitting right in front of you. They need support and dignity and most of all...Love...

Also, remember 988...that is the 911 for the mentally ill.  

So I Promised You

 So, I promised you an insight into when to 5150 a loved one. It is hard to say really, but I can only speak for myself. 

I was 21 when I first had a breakdown. I went on a journey with no end in sight. I ended up on a bus that took me to their security office. It was winter, but it just happened to be warm that night. 

I was given the day off of work and so I got excited, but it was already too late and I started to spiral. My surroundings changed. I was curious, so I followed a path that seemed just for me. 

I finally made it home. I was living with my grandma. My aunt happened to be there waiting for me. I had a blister on my heel that I got from walking around. It didn't hurt, but when she tried to dress it, I pretended that it did. Then I started walking funny. I was walking backwards in the house. Nothing really important about it, but I thought that I should do it. 

When I was 5150'd and locked up, they took my vitals and stats. It turned out that I was only 87 pounds. My usual was 98 pounds and 102 on my period. I didn't think that I was that skinny. But, then I had to ask my grandma for permission to leave the hospital. I am guessing that she was my first conservator. She put me on every experimental drug that came out. She only wanted the best for me. But, one day, I was sitting on the floor by her feet and she looked at me and said, "Stephanie Anne you are a nut and you will always be a nut." 

I never gave up trying to have as a normal life as is possible. 

If you think your loved one is going to need loving care, the first thing you need to do is call in a welfare check. They need to know some specifics. I wouldn't know what those specifics are because I was on the receiving end of welfare checks, not the one starting one. But, if you tell them your worries, they most likely will send an officer and an officer that is part of the PERT team. PERT is short for psychiatric emergency response team. So I think anyways. 

I have too much to say on this topic. I don't want to biblify this article, so I am only sharing my first meet up with a 5150. I saw things. Then my brain told me things about what I saw. Then my area around me would morph. Telling me a whole story. I was gone. I had split from my reality. It took a villiage to corner me and get me the help that I needed. I had been depressed for as long as I could remember. But, when I was no longer depressed that is when my family turned me in. I couldn't understand. I felt better. But for my family, I wasn't me anymore. I had changed. 

Look at my Vocabulary ABC's. There is a 5150 article too. It is hard to say for sure when to 5150 a loved one. Mental illness shows it's scary self as early as 17 and as late as 37. Sometimes even later than that. 

I Must Apologize to my Readers

 I must apologize to my readers. I am sorry for that last post. I must have been having flashbacks of her. Her = my mother... I see her you know. Standing just at my door facing me when it is closed at night and I am trying to go to bed. 

I saw a beautiful Facebook post about a biker whose wife passed during birth and he was only allowed to hold his daughter for 23 minutes before they took her from him and told him that he was unfit to be a father. He never was allowed to see her again.

Such stories make me cry. Anyways, I think that story triggered me. I feel like I still need to defend myself with my children. (Children now because they are grown and living their lives well, not kids for they are both now in their 30's) My memories of them when they were young, do not mesh with what they know, because my mother wiped their memories. I have to defend myself and my choices.

For example, I was at a happy hour (no alcohol) with my son, his new wife and my good friend of 20 years. I tried to talk about my son's background and he was like, "Mom. Please." So I had to stop. I wish that my children would let me see if their memories mesh with mine. Please, at least some of their memories, but no. They even argue with me about my life back then. What they "think" happened but not what really happened because they weren't there at that time. 

That was just a brief explanation on the footing I have with my children who were told some things but they were lies. 

Anyways, I apologize. I am sorry. If the article disturbed you in any way, please keep in mind that I suffered trauma from my mother and I still have memories to process and communication blockades with my children. 

Maybe next time, I will write about when you should 5150 a loved one. But that is for another time. Please be vigilant of you surroundings. It is prevent suicide month and some people just need you to listen. Your just being there could change the entire outcome for someone. And, yeah, I tried ...fifteen years ago and I don't wish to ever do that again. 

Check out my Vocabulary ABC's there is something there for everybody. I will check the links soon to make sure you are being web directed, but that takes a while and I really need to sit down and just check every link that is in there.

Thank you for allowing me to backslide a bit, by still being here reading this. 

I Fought Every Inch of the Way for a Normal Life

 I fought hard to have as close to a normal life as was possible. I fought to hold down a job. There were some here and there, but the one I have now I have been at the longest. Eight years. This allowed me to be eligible for SSDI and not just SSI. Boy what a game changer that was.

I fought to have my own home. I have lived on my own since I was nineteen. I fought to be a mother. That was my nemesis though. My mother took my kids when they were 7 and 9 and never returned them. They think that I had visits, but she was always accusing me of something in order to take them away as soon as I would get them back. It was a dark time in my life. Ten years of it. Now she is dead and my life has gotten so much better. I can't ignore the facts of my success.

When she was alive, she would put me away as soon as I became stable to keep me unstable. She replaced me. My kids don't see it. I guess what they don't see actually saves them from her abusive ways. They won't listen to my side of the story. But, at least they are somewhat connected with me now. They never call me. I have to initiate contact. But, they reply. Not always the same day either, but they reply. I guess I am counting my blessings over it. 

But, I fought hard. As best as I could. I played fair when others were playing dirty. I am so glad that some fights are over and to never rise again. Yes, I am glad that she is dead. Dead Dead Dead. Yes, I have a better life now. 

My psychiatrist agrees with me that she had munchausen's by proxy. I don't even know all the bad things she used to tell everyone who would listen. But, even my family finds that I am different. But you know what? I am still me. I have not changed. I fought for my education. That changed, but I am still me. How can they say I am different now? I never changed, just they changed. She's not filling their heads with bad crap about me. I am so happy about that. 

To conclude, I hope. I just want to say that the older I get the simpler it gets to fight for normalcy. It is easier to get close to a normal life. I still have missing things in my life. I am in a one room apartment and share the kitchen and two bathrooms. I am not allowed to have pets. That saddens me. I really miss having pets. I never had my own puppy. I would get close but then the opportunity would be stripped away. If I could, I would adopt a senior dog from the shelter. I am a bit slowed down now and I think that an older dog would be just what the doctor ordered. 

So, a normal life. It is elusive, but if you fight for it, you just might get a chance to come out the other side of the black hole to find another universe. 

Please look at my Vocabulary ABC's. There is something there for everyone. 

Surprise! I Got In!

I am finished with summer school and I am out of school until the Spring of 2026. I am getting an A. So far, my master's program has me with 7 A's and one B. I am going part-time, so it will take two years for me to complete it, but that's okay. I am in no hurry. It is a one year program. Educational Counseling. To become a community college counselor. 

I wonder if there are more schools out there that have a hybrid program for educational counseling. It is enlightening. I get to see the reasoning of a therapist, but I can put my own stamp on it. That is pretty cool.

I don't know when I will be able to write next. The sign-in button on the top right has been covered so I cannot access it. I am beside myself, but I got in again! Yay! 

I am so confident that when you visit this blog that there is something that gives you an a-ha moment. I live for a-ha moments. Thank you for your continual support. Please share this website with friends and family. I have only gotten this far in views by word of mouth. Usually word of mouth at school.

Please visit my Vocabulary ABC's

there is something there for 

everyone. 

 

 

Listen for the Silence

 So, I call this Listen for the Silence because it is very hard to do. Even when you are meditating, you might concentrate on your breathing, but even that can be noisy, making hearing the silence fleeting. 

I have been meditating for so long, that my breath automatically does it. This gave a wrong result when in a sleep apnea study and also the sleep apnea test. I was breathing just the way I usually do, and the technician told me that I was breathing wrong. 

Why is it wrong? I was trying to change the way I was breathing because of this, and just recently did I stop trying. 

Breathe in, hold, breathe out, hold. That is what I do and I do it naturally. It even helps keep my moods even. 

But, I digress. Listen for the Silence. Listen. Hard to do huh? Clear your mind. Don't let any thought get in. Don't let any thought get out. Just keep them at bay. This will help you hear the silence. No radio, TV, computer, cell phone, just silence. If you try to do this maybe 5 minutes a day, you might just get there...for 3 seconds. But you could finally hear it! Now, extend your meditation time...Good Luck.

Vocabulary ABC's

Blogger Is Trying To Block Me

So, I go into my blog and find that the sign in part is covered and I cannot get into my blog. I just spent twenty minutes trying to get in. I hope you like my blog and continue to use it's resources. 

There are many avenues especially on the Vocabulary ABC's page. Most links are still active. 

I am not over the bad haircut that I got, but I am slowly coming into acceptance that I cannot glue it back. It will take six months to get to a reasonable length. That is much better than a year and a half.

I will be starting classes soon and hope to send my fellow classmates to this blog for smiles and giggles. The last time I did that, there were significantly more views than I had ever gotten before. 

I am in a one year master's program if I were to go full-time. But for me, I must go part-time in order to give myself enough leeway to get all the reading and homework done on time. I hope I get good grades. I need a B or better if I want that diploma. That is a tall order and hard to do. 

If you wonder where I found this one year master's program, it was at San Diego State University. There must be more one year programs out there at other Universities. You just have to know how to look. Wish me luck.  

Why?

Why? Why do hairstylists go scissor happy on my hair? 

I recently went to a friend who is also a hairstylist. She asked me about where I wanted my hair cut. Then she did something. She cut my hair while I was standing up, before I was even in the chair.

Then she showed me what she cut. I was mortified. My hair was now short. I had my hair down to my butt. Now it is up to my bra. Even my clients at work said that it was cut too short. 

Unfortunately, I have lost sleep over this. I only wanted two inches off and she took eight. I want to cry right now. I want to cry and curl up in a ball and just mourn my lost hair. 

I know that some of you will be like, "But it's just hair". But I'm like attached to my hair. I spent my high school years in Hawaii and I wanted to go and mix with my old friends. Now, I don't even want to show my face that's how short it is. 

People used to ask me how long it took to grow my hair that long. I tell them that it took me seven years. Now, it will take at least two years to get it back. That is way too much to cut when I just wanted a trim. 

This isn't the first time that this has happened to me. When I was in cosmetology school, the teacher asked for a student to cut their hair. I had a picture and everything. I had grown my bangs out. I wanted a bob to match the length of my bangs so I could start to grow it long.

Not only did he cut my hair so super short, he cut my bangs to half of my forehead and made me look like a boy in the class. I cried for three weeks. 

The only way to grow my hair long is to cut it myself. I know that I know how to do it, but I got a little happy the last time I cut it and I needed my friend to blend it. But she scalped me. She raped my hair and put me in a depression. I feel betrayed. 

You might not know this, but hair only grows half an inch a month. She took eight. Now you know why I hate having to go to the hairstylist for a haircut. That is why I cut it myself. I should have known better. She cut my hair even before a consultation. She was like I like it here and here. And then before I knew it she had scalped me. I wasn't even in the chair yet. She knew what she was doing, because she makes bank from hair. She must have a grudge against me or something. I absolutely did not tell her to cut it this short.  

Vocabulary ABC's 

To Take Full Advantage

To take full advantage of the affordable housing list for San Diego, I have added a link to different zip code maps for location purposes. There are many different maps and this will allow you to choose which one you would like to use in identifying the places in San Diego that you would be interested in from the affordable housing list of apartments.

There are also lists of other affordable communities that you would be able to identify due to the list being arranged by zip code and not name. 

Be aware that there are waiting lists for most of the affordable apartments, so the sooner you apply the sooner you will find your new affordable home. Each apartment company is separate and so the application process would probably be related to the apartment housing interested in at the moment, needing new applications per apartment housing. 

Vocabulary ABC's 

How I Overcame Symptom Flare-Ups

Let's see. Yes, I do get symptom flare-ups but this is happening less frequently. I would say that one of the coping skills I required came with a college education. Getting my associate's degree helped me navigate society's opinion on mental health. Next would be that the more that time goes by, the more educated on mental health the public is.

That's small potatoes though. The largest and greatest gift I got as I got older, was I now have a support system. My support system lets me vent when I need to get something out without judging me over my flare-up. They are not like, "Well, that was wild, I think you need help." Instead, they are like, "I'm glad you can identify that that which you just said is a symptom." Now I can get things out without judgment and criticism. Because even I recognize a wayward thought and belief. Sometimes, though, they just listen. They listen to the same symptom over and over again and don't think that you are too far gone for society. Sometimes, the symptom from the get just hangs around and never goes away. What does go away is how I handle it. It gets weaker as time goes on. 

I always tell someone who is fighting the diagnosis, that if you can prove it, it is not a symptom. But if you can't prove it, it doesn't mean that it is not real, but if you can't prove it, it must be treated as a symptom for now until you can prove it. 

That's the best advice I can give when faced with a diagnosis. If I can't prove it, it remains a symptom until I can prove it. Period. Learning to recognize this is what treatment is all about. Yes, I still have symptoms. But, they no longer lock me up for them. 

Vocabulary ABC's 

What ECT Did For Me

Yes, I have had ECT. This is a bit wonky for me because at first I was afraid. Afraid that it would hurt. Afraid that I would be exploited for research purposes. Afraid that I would be judged if anyone found out. 

But it wasn't so. It actually helped me. But for the first time that I had it, the doctors and employees of the hospital kept it from me. I only remembered it after a while. It wipes your memory. It takes away the voices. I finally knew what my own voice sounded like. I had silence within silence. It also took away my nervous tick in my left eye. 

People would make my nervous tick come out more. They would wink at me before I could bring about eye-contact. It was bad. It was annoying. It was exploited by those that wanted me to keep it. I finally overlooked the winks and the eye-rubs. It was empowering that I did not have this annoyance anymore. I was finally free from something that I had been a victim of. It is still gone. And I am happy. 

Later on, when in the hospital, I was asked if I wanted it, and I agreed. They hooked me up to various machines and then put me under before they used it on me. It was painless and a God send. I would highly recommend it, actually. 

So, don't be afraid. Don't be scared. It can actually help you. But you don't need it a lot. For me it was only one at a time. Others get a slew of them. They get it one right after another. I think that that is too much. But one or two is good. You might be pleasantly surprised on how good it works. 

Vocabulary ABC's 

I Have Strengthened My Boundaries

 I have strengthened my boundaries by the way of education. Education has helped me in many ways. It keeps me focused and on topic. It allows me better jobs with better pay. I have made many acquaintances and a few friends, through the way of study. They were tutors, they were co-workers, and eventually my family came around as well.

I have learned and am still learning emotional intelligence. I agree with the experts that the better you are at emotional intelligence "trumps" IQ. It has been such a benefit, that I am able to recognize when I am being emotionally abused. 

My mother used to emotionally abuse me. My father "physically" abused me. I found that the greater pain came from emotional abuse. Not to say that my father is a saint, but the pain from emotional abuse doesn't leave any visible bruising. But has the capacity to leave lasting nightmares. They can be day nightmares or night nightmares, but the abuse follows you until you strengthen your boundaries.

Some may brush it off and say that it sounds more like maturity, but it is not. Emotional abuse can keep you from maturing and strengthening your boundaries. I have love/hate memories where I don't know whether to yell at the top of my lungs, "GET OUT!" or to whisper, "I'm glad I still remember your loving ways". That is something to talk about in depth maybe in a later article. That something is that you cannot set boundaries with, someone who has died and left unexpectedly. The only way to try, is try to imagine setting those boundaries, but that could just create memories to come to the top when you have tried to bury it real deep. 

And well, no wonder I wish she were alive. It is not to see her, but to set those boundaries that I should have had when she was alive putting her in her place in my life where I want to place her not where she wants to be.

So, that is the missing puzzle piece to a giant puzzle of where, what, when, how could I use boundaries now than those that I should have used then. I wish she were alive to see me now. 

I have grown and established boundaries that she would have a hard time accepting. She would probably use the silent treatment where she just didn't discuss anything. But that never made it go away. Not only would she give the silent treatment, but she would withdraw her love until I kowtowed. I was weak. I was dependent. I was isolated. I was even left out of family gatherings, being forced to be around my younger cousins and sitting at the kiddy table. Left out of adult conversation and bonding.

So, a little difficult to stay on topic, but I was able to bring it around back to boundaries a couple of times. It is getting better with time and I have high hopes that even going for my master's now will give me better ideas on how to lean towards, "I'm glad I still remember your loving ways" instead of "GET OUT!" (bully)

Please remember my side bar and my page Vocabulary ABC's. They are a great encyclopedic way to tackle mental health stigma. 

A Step by Step Approach to Breaking Down Stress, by guest author Sean Morris

 

Breaking Down Stress: A Step-by-Step Approach to Managing Life's Challenges

While stress is constant, grasping its nature and mastering management techniques can significantly improve the quality of life. This guide offers actionable insights into pinpointing stress triggers, deploying effective coping strategies, and cultivating a nurturing support system. By dissecting complex tasks, establishing clear boundaries, and indulging in personal passions, you can pave the way for a balanced and richly rewarding life. Check it with Auntie Steph shares more insights:

Unveiling the Roots of Stress

Recognizing the root causes of stress is pivotal. Everyday stressors include job insecurity, relationship dynamics, financial pressures, and health concerns. Critically assessing these factors is essential to determining which triggers your stress responses. This awareness is the first step toward managing stress effectively. Once identified, these causes can be addressed or reframed into a more manageable and less threatening context.

Harness Your Control

Focus on elements of your life that are within your control, and release concerns over those that are not. This mindset shift is vital in reducing feelings of helplessness and anxiety. Concentrating on actionable aspects of your life, such as your reaction to stressors or your daily routine, creates a sense of personal efficacy and resilience. This approach alleviates stress and empowers you to make meaningful changes.

Consider a Career Shift

If your job is the primary culprit behind your stress, a career change might be the relief you need for improved mental health and well-being. Online degree programs offer the flexibility to pursue further education without sacrificing your current job or family time (take a look at this). By enrolling in a family nurse practitioner master's degree program, you can immerse yourself in a hands-on role in healthcare, diagnosing and treating patients, which can lead to both a rewarding career and personal fulfillment. And last but not least, a nursing degree helps ensure that you’ll have a life-long career in the healthcare industry.

Building Your Support System

Surround yourself with a robust network of friends, family, and support groups to anchor you during turbulent times. Opening up about your stressors with trusted individuals alleviates emotional pressure and brings fresh perspectives to your challenges. This vital emotional support reassures you during difficulties and strengthens your capacity to manage stress effectively, enhancing your resilience.

Simplify Task Management

To tackle daunting tasks effectively, break them into smaller, more manageable segments. This strategy clears your mind by setting clear, achievable objectives and helps you discern which tasks require immediate attention and which can be deferred. As you prioritize and conquer each step, you’ll notice an increase in your time management skills and a decrease in stress, giving you greater control over your workload.

Setting Boundaries

Mastering the art of setting boundaries and comfortably saying no is essential for avoiding the pitfalls of overcommitment and the stress accompanying it. Recognizing and communicating your limits ensures you don’t take on more than you can manage, safeguarding your mental and physical well-being. This strategic approach also enhances how you allocate your time and resources, optimizing your overall effectiveness and reducing the risk of burnout.

Recharge with Hobbies

Delving into hobbies that resonate with your passions, like reading, gardening, or painting, can be a powerful antidote to stress. These activities pull you away from the monotony of daily routines, offering a therapeutic escape that rejuvenates your spirit. As you engage in these pursuits, you find relaxation and joy and foster creativity and mental agility, enhancing your overall satisfaction with life. Each moment spent in the pleasure of your hobbies builds a buffer against the pressures of everyday life, fortifying your emotional resilience.

Managing life's stressors involves a combination of self-awareness, proactive management strategies, and personal support systems. By identifying what causes stress, controlling what you can, and nurturing relationships and personal interests, you equip yourself with the tools to navigate life’s challenges more effectively. Remember, the goal is not to eliminate stress but to manage it to allow you to live a healthier, more balanced life.

My Vocabulary ABC's

 

I Have Strengthened My Boundaries

 I have strengthened my boundaries by the way of education. Education has helped me in many ways. It keeps me focused and on topic. It allows me better jobs with better pay. I have made many acquaintances and a few friends, through the way of study. They were tutors, they were co-workers, and eventually my family came around as well.

I have learned and am still learning emotional intelligence. I agree with the experts that the better you are at emotional intelligence "trumps" IQ. It has been such a benefit, that I am able to recognize when I am being emotionally abused. 

My mother used to emotionally abuse me. My father "physically" abused me. I found that the greater pain came from emotional abuse. Not to say that my father is a saint, but the pain from emotional abuse doesn't leave any visible bruising. But has the capacity to leave lasting nightmares. They can be day nightmares or night nightmares, but the abuse follows you until you strengthen your boundaries.

Some may brush it off and say that it sounds more like maturity, but it is not. Emotional abuse can keep you from maturing and strengthening your boundaries. I have love/hate memories where I don't know whether to yell at the top of my lungs, "GET OUT!" or to whisper, "I'm glad I still remember your loving ways". That is something to talk about in depth maybe in a later article. That something is that you cannot set boundaries with, someone who has died and left unexpectedly. The only way to try, is try to imagine setting those boundaries, but that could just create memories to come to the top when you have tried to bury it real deep. 

And well, no wonder I wish she were alive. It is not to see her, but to set those boundaries that I should have had when she was alive putting her in her place in my life where I want to place her not where she wants to be.

So, that is the missing puzzle piece to a giant puzzle of where, what, when, how could I use boundaries now than those that I should have used then. I wish she were alive to see me now. 

I have grown and established boundaries that she would have a hard time accepting. She would probably use the silent treatment where she just didn't discuss anything. But that never made it go away. Not only would she give the silent treatment, but she would withdraw her love until I kowtowed. I was weak. I was dependent. I was isolated. I was even left out of family gatherings, being forced to be around my younger cousins and sitting at the kiddy table. Left out of adult conversation and bonding.

So, a little difficult to stay on topic, but I was able to bring it around back to boundaries a couple of times. It is getting better with time and I have high hopes that even going for my master's now will give me better ideas on how to lean towards, "I'm glad I still remember your loving ways" instead of "GET OUT!" (bully)

Please remember my side bar and my page Vocabulary ABC's. They are a great encyclopedic way to tackle mental health stigma.   

 

How I Overcame the Stigma

Well, to be honest, I didn't. What happened was the education on mental health changed and it became closer to normal than anything. The things that people are scared of is the unpredictability of mental illness. I am sure that those that have been educated have become more understanding. 

But, there are those steeped in ablism that they see nothing but a diagnosis. I have had people in my life who were more understanding than that of my own family. You see, I am at least a third generation mental health "client". My grandfather was diagnosed with bipolar 1 and my uncle was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Both on my mother's side. What caught me unawares was that I was told as a youngster that it only hit the men in the family. So, when they told me I was mentally ill, I was like, "No Way!". This didn't do me any good at the time though.

It took years and laws enacted to give dignity to the mentally ill. There is a lot out there that criminalizes it, that can be frustrating and embarrassing, so you try to hide it.

Well, the more I tried to hide it, the more discriminatory my family became. My mom would out me in public if she thought I was getting too much attention. My grandmother, I think, was my first conservator. 

With HIPAA there are still loopholes. The main contributor of the diagnosis of the mentally ill "client" is now based off of what they call "collateral". This now endangers the mentally ill more because now, it only takes one. Before this, it would take at least two people to have concerns over someone who "might be" mentally ill. 

The loopholes include- Public health (such as reporting to a state health department or the CDC) Medical research. Workers compensation. Legal proceedings and law enforcement purposes.  

Seems to me that that "collateral" just got bigger. 

Don't get me wrong, there are now laws in place that can make your "collateral" ineligible to have a say in your treatment. They may have put you in the hospital, but you have the decision of who you allow to be a part of that treatment. To the fullest extent of the law, but when you are on conservatorship, that extent only reaches so far. 

Yet, things are way different now than they were 35 years ago. The harder I would try to separate myself from my "collateral" the more the grip would tighten. So far, that hasn't happened to me in over 15 years. I have been in remission and also not a focus of my living family. You see, that's when I lost my mother. She had me arrested when I would become closer to sanity. They would keep me for three days and not see anything, then they would keep me for two more weeks, nothing. So they would be forced to let me go. This happened so frequently that when it stopped I was stymied. I was like, "wow". I'm not getting 5150'd anymore. And now I am stable and living a close to normal life. I wouldn't change my circumstances though. I live in a one room flat and share two bathrooms and a kitchen. But to me, it is a part of heaven that broke off just for me. 

Please check my Vocabulary ABC's for one-click information. There are also the side bar one-clicks that can also enlighten a resource that you might not have thought you may need. 

How I Overcame Poverty

Everyone knows that being on Social Security is a poverty issue. It hardly gives you anything and when you are on it, people expect you to stay on it. You can try to get a job, but when you let anyone know that you are disabled and getting Social Security, your co-workers tend to sabotage your work, making you forced to quit.                                                                                                                But there are other ways you can go about supplementing your income. One way, is to enter into research. There are many research pathways and they give you a little money to pad your pocket. They are usually over one year and they come out to you or you go to them (your choice) about every six months. They pay you on the spot and it is cash. Usually around 50 dollars. I know that doesn't sound like much, but to someone on Social Security, it can be a windfall.

Then there is college. If you go to community college, there are grants you can get that will cover your tuition and books and sometimes, the amount is over what needs to be paid and that amount goes into your pocket. You must take at least two classes a semester. I took three. Then I did the degree for transfer. That brought me to the University. It was a state University so I was also eligible for a second grant specifically made for state University students. This is how I got my bachelor's degree for free. There was no extra money for my pocket at that time, but the education was priceless. 

After my bachelor's I got a promotion at work. I had gone through the ticket to work program at Social Security. It allowed me to work and go to school. Both were part-time. Then when I graduated, I went to full-time at work. That put more money into my pocket. With the ticket to work program, I was able to keep my Social Security for a while. Maybe two years, before they dropped me. I still get my Medicare though. 

Last, I was accepted into the PASS Program at Social Security. That is where you seek extra help to become self-sufficient. There would be big payouts to help off-set the cost of living. I even got help with buying a car instead of taking the public transit to work. This allowed me to be more flexible at work. 

The biggest part of this would be when I got out of debt. I was an apprentice at the San Diego Trolley. It was for five years. When I left, not of my choosing. I got sabotaged. I found that I was in 60,000 dollars of debt. I managed to pay it off in two years. The last debt that I had was a student loan that I thought I would never rid myself of. Then, I got a surprise backpay from Social Security. I paid it off and then found myself re-eligible for college grants. So, I took full advantage of that. Now, I just got accepted into a master's program at a state University. I also found that there is a state grant for that too. So, I am excited. I will see where this will take me next. 

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 DeLellis And Associates

DeLELLIS AND ASSOCIATES Your attorneys for Social Security Disability and Workers Compensation Claims P.O. Box 7458 San Diego, CA 92167

619-206-3603